Answers In Print

Honestly, if one of the first things everyone knew about me was that I spent 35 years pining for one woman, and later said woman and her daughter because she married a long time ago, then forget the fact that she inspired a lot of my poetry, I would simply burn it all and bury myself from the burning embarrassment of being such a loser.

But such was the life of William Butler Yeats.

Every one of the poets from that period seemed to have led a bit of that life, didn’t they? T.S. Eliot too— he had a fascinating fear of decay and mortality. You see it in his work of course, but he also left his wife when she fell mentally ill, for a younger hot thing— some 20 y/o when he was in his 40s or 60s. We see you running away from facing the inevitability, man, a profound line about death doesn’t change that.

So it’s fascinating to read their works with this background context available to you, it’s such an insight into the human psyche. I’ve talked about this a little before, on how we sort of look to our poets and songwriters for answers, to help make sense of all the madness, and without fail, they happen to be some of the most flawed human beings in history. Or in less intense cases, they don’t have the answers we seek from them. It reminds me again of an interview with Grian Chatten from the band Fontaines D.C., in the NME back in 2022. He’s a poet for the modern day, I’ll grant him that easily. He convinced me recently that lyrics can work quite well standing alone as poetry and not come off as naff or aloof, or can still feel quite prescient and not pretentious or removed from the live setting in which they will be performed, making eye contact with you in a sweaty theatre (slowly getting larger, as I’m pleased to see, with the U.K. and Dublin arena shows planned on their tour this year for their upcoming fourth album Romance). They can still connect with the loud guitars and drums pounding behind them.

Grian said to the NME, in light of their debut album Dogrel and his painting of a Dublin life, presenting you with the characters, the contradictions, the scenarios lived in his Dublin, his portrayal led to people turning to him for answers, when I think what you and him would both know deep down is that you’re really looking to him for a depiction of your world in the words that hit the soul, in a way that romanticises the moments you want to remember, and can beautifully frame the injustices of the bad ones. Not answers. Just a painting.

He said, people are looking to me for answers. What the fuck do I know?

Same as it had always been, hasn’t it? He doesn’t have answers. Yeats didn’t have answers. T.S. Eliot didn’t have answers— despite his vivid depictions of loss and decay, he still couldn’t deal with the thought of it himself. But all it does do, is let you read a work through the lens of your own life, and then look at it again through the eyes of a complex human being, the poet. It’s an option that is available to you. Some people do subscribe to ‘death of the author’, but if you’d like to explore the mind of someone who isn’t you, if you aren’t afraid to feel uncomfortable, different, or in the skin of a very different person, it’ll open you up to new thoughts, which don’t have to be yours.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is, don’t be afraid to read something you don’t agree with. Bad thoughts aren’t contagious. You can approach someone else’s work knowing it’s a complex read, and that can be an intriguing and insightful read. However, I do still hesitate to put this post before the poetry people on WordPress, because I don’t think most people on the poetry canon side of the internet will appreciate me calling one of the crown princes of 20th century Irish poetry and literature a loser. Oh well.

Turns out, WordPress are Queen fans

Do you want to live forever?

Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever??
Oh ooohh oh
There’s no chance for us
It’s all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us

Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever?
Ooh
Who dares to love forever
Oh oo woh, when love must die

But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today

Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever
Forever is our today
Who waits forever anyway?


I saw the chance, and I had to take it! It appears there’s a new feature on WordPress since I was last here, that of a daily prompt to inspire posts. Personally I’m a bigger fan of flying over to my laptop, typing “wordpress.com” into the search bar in a tense frenzy, head bursting with one-liners so bad that if they had to wait another moment before spilling out into the editor, I might lose faith in them, and then unleashing fury on unsuspecting readers’ dashboards.

But hey, if WordPress prompts can spur on full-throated Queen singing, then maybe they aren’t so bad!

The Secret Spice Handshake

A treatise on spices and chillis

Today I found out why no two people to cook Indian dishes have ever achieved the same taste. It all comes down to one “ingredient”.

One “ingredient” I say, because it’s garam masala (which translates roughly to hot spice), which isn’t one ingredient. Sure, you can buy it as a single ingredient, but it’s essentially a mix of a bunch of Indian spices: crushed peppercorns, cumin seeds, red chilli powder, two types of cardamoms (green and black), coriander seeds (not coriander leaves mind! That’s garnishing and belongs in the trash I hate it so much), and a few more: cinnamon powder, nutmeg powder, curry leaves, a bunch more, even I don’t remember them all.

But the point is, the amount of each spice determines what your garam masala will taste like, because there’s no one dominant ingredient really. So it comes down to your tried and tested/passed-down-family proportions, rather than the ingredients themselves, and this is just talking about one single ‘ingredient’ of a dish. Some people use ginger and garlic/ginger-garlic paste, others feel tomato and onions will suffice, some parts/cuisines of India use more sugar in cooking everything (Gujarat), some eat drier, spicier food (Rajasthan, possibly because it’s mostly desert. Little grows there!), if you head down south, the ingredients used are entirely different: they prefer rye, tamarind, round chillis (no idea what they’re called)

**Update: I found out what they’re called. Ramnad chillis, or locally, ramnad mundu, or gundu. They’re native, naturally, to a village called Ramnad in Tamil Nadu, and they’re used in the state’s famous Chettinad cuisine.

Gundu Chilli – Groids

These are dried gundus, as they are when used in cooking.

Chilli Gundu - GardenHunt

Fresh gundus. Look like cherries, don’t they? Don’t mistake them for cherries when you eat them!

Oh… saying that to myself over and over I just realised, gundu in Tamil means fat. Gundu chillis. Really. That’s what you came up with, Chennai? Fat chillis? Keep it right up…

It’s funny, because I had to google what red round chillis are actually named and learned that chillis aren’t even native to India, no matter how they’re the first thing you’d associate with Indian cuisine (general). They were introduced from Portugal in the 1500s (Vasco da Gama, etc.). Before that there was just… black pepper. Even then, north Indian food, which is even more heavily associated with spice (dried red chillis are called Kashmiri chillis, afterall!), was in the dark about chillis until much later, when a Maratha king (mid-west-ish) decided he’d had enough of northern ignorance.

Asian Star Powder Extra Red Mild Kashmir Chilly, 500 Gram, Packaging Type  Available: Packets, Rs 104 /kg | ID: 9463974397
Aesthetic™. Don’t you dare rub your eye. (Kashmiri chillis and corresponding red chilli powder)

(Note: that above is poetically and comedically great, but historically inaccurate. His move north was to challenge the Mughals, then emperors of India till just before the British takeover (and partly directly responsible for it), who contributed their lot to cuisine. A lot of what you think of as stereotypically heavy Indian food/takeout, is in fact Mughal and is called that in India. So while you’d “takeout Indian” in the US or Canada, “go for a curry” in the UK, you’d be “eating Mughlai” were you to order the same in India. It’s assimilated into Indian cuisine comfortably enough that people sometimes use the words synonymously (or who are we kidding, use “Indian” to exclusively mean “Mughlai” and may not have heard of the latter word. Unrelatedly, I was quite pleased when a friend told me the town he lived in, which had a fair Indian diaspora, did some excellent south Indian food!)

Indian Green Chilli Paste | My Heart Beets
Garden variety green chillis, “locally” called hari mirchi (hari = green, mirchi = chilli/spice). I say, ‘local’, but there are at least 200 local languages in India, so obviously, it’s not local to them all…

Unfortunately I cannot tell you much more about them, even after spending an embarrassing 25 minutes googling. I am still not sure if they are grown in Andhra Pradesh (Andhra Pradesh? Telangana? I don’t even know any more… and whichever of the two it is; the new Andhra Pradesh or the new Telangana, or if it was pre-split Andhra Pradesh then that, but whichever it is), it is one of the largest exporters of chilli in the world!

But green chillis could well be grown in Kerala. Or Gujarat. Or, as the one thing all of google unanimously agrees upon says, in your back garden from chilli seeds! I should grow chillis from chilli seeds. I love green chillis. Then again, all the magic of a green chilli lies in the seed: that’s where all the spice, flavour and capsaicin is! I might end up eating it before we’ve even begun…

Anyway! I could go on for hours about chillis: there’s a variety of lighter green coloured green chillis which have (allegedly) all the flavour of a green chilli and none of the spice. They do still have the seeds, they just don’t bite. They’re for LiteTM enjoyers of spice.
That sucks the joy out of my life. That they specifically bred chillis for mildness makes my head whirl. Still, with the sheer variety in Indian chillis, it’s quite passable as just Another Type Of Indian Chilli.

Single Green Chilli With White Background Stock Photo - Image of orange,  food: 183233332
Light green, devoid of any juice, joy or purpose.

Disgust.

Anyway, I could absolutely go on about chillis for hours and this post wasn’t even about chillis, it was specifically about the Indian enigma and unique kitchen handshake that is garam masaala, and we’ll never figure it out. That is the conclusion. Thank you all for reading.

Chocolate Or Crackers?

It’s officially holiday season! And for an expat like me (is that what I can myself?), it’s officially Schrödinger time. (It’s holiday season, but it’s also not.)

It’s Diwali this week, which means for the first time since lockdown began, we’ve had to clean the house out, and by “we”, I mean “not me”, because as I’ve discovered over socially distant (over 16,000 km and very responsible), time-zone factored online school, relaxing in the morning after a night long of school by washing windows is quite the way to wind down.

How much, you ask? So much that I’ve managed to break the spray-pump bottle we used to water the plants in little over a month washing windows. Plastic is a scam.

I’ve also found it pretty amusing to sing an old song by actor, comedian and musician George Formby, a Lancastrian Englishman who rose to fame in the 1930s and ’40s for his comedic morale boosting acts and wartime films in Britain. His cheeky sense of humour is on full display in this song, called When I’m Cleaning Windows (sometimes called The Window Cleaner).

The song, as performed in one of his films.

Fun fact: his lighthearted but sometimes risqué lyrics had him well banned by the BBC, who at the time were lead by moral strongman and man-who-made-frowning-accessible-to-the-masses, John Reith.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is image.jpeg
Man of the people, or rather, the collective frown of the people poured into one man, Lord John Reith.

(Note that I’m not doing the man ugly here. There genuinely isn’t a picture in the public domain of him actually smiling.)

Reith, who considered his role as Director of the BBC to be that of defender of public morality, famously refused to play Formby on the radio declaring, “If the public wants to listen to Formby singing his disgusting little ditty, they’ll have to be content to hear it in the cinemas, not over the nation’s airwaves”.

But Formby soon put an end to that: the royal family counted themselves as fans of his work!

61 George Formby Videos and HD Footage - Getty Images
Who’s laughing now, Lord Reith?

Either way, like everything else this lockdown, the window washing isn’t going great. They’re stubborn windows that won’t stay clean for long, making me feel like a smoker who’s decided to give up the fag: I’ll just clean these windows one last time, and then I’m done for three years, one last cigarette, just one more clean out tomorrow… but they’re dirty again!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is 79ca30da-6c2f-4f10-bed0-f3bac09e4ad8.jpeg
For anyone keeping tabs, it’s these very same windows from 3+ years ago. Mmmm, read all about them!

Rounding up other things in the house that should’ve been thrown out years ago (I found mint chocolates from 2016), we found an old box of mini-fireworks we didn’t know we had, and taking things a little further, my grandparents weren’t even sure were fireworks at all. Small, triangular, squished up, or circular and similar: crackers or chocolates?

Which brings us to the absurd spot we’re in now. Chocolates or firecrackers? I wish I could put it out to the people to decide. Unfortunately, they’re gone. Someone’s eaten them.

Just kidding.

Don't Eat That: Sheneman, Drew: 9781101997291: Books - Amazon.ca

Chocolate?

It’s officially holiday season! And for an expat like me (is that what I can myself?), it’s officially Schrödinger time. (It’s holiday season, but it’s also not.)

It’s Diwali this week, which means for the first time since lockdown began, we’ve had to clean the house out, and by “we”, I mean “not me”, because as I’ve discovered over socially distant (over 16,000 km and very responsible), time-zone factored online school, relaxing in the morning after a night long of school by washing windows is quite the way to wind down.

How much, you ask? So much that I’ve managed to break the spray-pump bottle we used to water the plants in little over a month washing windows. Plastic is a scam.

I’ve also found it pretty amusing to sing an old song by actor, comedian and musician George Formby, a Lancastrian Englishman who rose to fame in the 1930s and ’40s for his comedic morale boosting acts and wartime films in Britain. His cheeky sense of humour is on full display in this song, called When I’m Cleaning Windows (sometimes called The Window Cleaner). The song, as performed in one of his films.

The song, as performed in one of his films.

Fun fact: his lighthearted but sometimes risqué lyrics had him well banned by the BBC, who at the time were lead by moral strongman and man-who-made-frowning-accessible-to-the-masses, John Reith.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is image.jpeg
Man of the people, or rather, the collective frown of the people poured into one man, Lord John Reith.

(Note that I’m not doing the man ugly here. There genuinely isn’t a picture in the public domain of him actually smiling.)

Reith, who considered his role as Director of the BBC to be that of defender of public morality, famously refused to play Formby on the radio declaring, “If the public wants to listen to Formby singing his disgusting little ditty, they’ll have to be content to hear it in the cinemas, not over the nation’s airwaves”.

But Formby soon put an end to that: the royal family counted themselves as fans of his work!

61 George Formby Videos and HD Footage - Getty Images
Who’s laughing now, Lord Reith?

Either way, like everything else this lockdown, the window washing isn’t going great. They’re stubborn windows that won’t stay clean for long, making me feel like a smoker who’s decided to give up the fag: I’ll just clean these windows one last time, and then I’m done for three years, one last cigarette, just one more clean out tomorrow… but they’re dirty again!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is 79ca30da-6c2f-4f10-bed0-f3bac09e4ad8.jpeg
For anyone keeping tabs, it’s these very same windows from 3+ years ago. Mmmm, read all about them!

Rounding up other things in the house that should’ve been thrown out years ago (I found mint chocolates from 2016), we found an old box of mini-fireworks we didn’t know we had, and taking things a little further, my grandparents weren’t even sure were fireworks at all. Small, triangular, squished up, or circular and similar: crackers or chocolates?

Which brings us to the absurd spot we’re in now. Chocolates or firecrackers? I wish I could put it out to the people to decide. Unfortunately, they’re gone. Someone’s eaten them.

Just kidding.

Don't Eat That: Sheneman, Drew: 9781101997291: Books - Amazon.ca

Valentine’s Haiku

See people walking
Arm in arm and down the street;
Really miss my sleep.


I’m so sleepy. I’m also going home this weekend as reading week finally begins.  All I am holding onto today as I finally end this bludgeoning week is that I’m going home, burying my face in our pup’s fur and zonking out.

Flaws In The Plan

“They’ve hacked into our databases!”
“No way! It was totally secure! How did they get past our twelve-layered security?!”
“Forget that, how did they get through our code? There’s like, a million lines in there!”
“Not just that, it was also coded by us.”

“What do you mean?”
“Only we know what code we write, kid. Sometimes, not even we know it.”
“Yeah, so if they’ve figured what was going on, we’re dealing with coding experts here.”
“Wait, what?”
“Anyway, boot up the code, let’s see what they’ve accessed.”

BLEEP BLEEP BLOOP.

Ping... ping ping ping ping! (Intel Processor sounds)

Clickity clackity clack. Clack clack.

BOOP.

(Swearing noises)

“You know, there’s no shame in taking longer than a second to type in the password.”
“Shut up, intern.”

(Powering up sounds)

“Great, we’re here. Now let’s see…
What?! What’s this!”
“Looks nothing like our program! It’s all—”
“No way, you’ve got the wrong file,”
“No it isn’t. No one in this department can spell well enough to search for the path /users/SuperSecret/SDrive/scramblingfolder/fakefiles/floccinaucinihilipilification/ and access the file we’ve stored there, they’ve really got us.”

“But—isn’t that your code?”

“Whaddya mean, intern?”

“This is your code. I saw it last week. It was part of my project to add a function, and it was this file.”

“WHAT DID THEY MAKE YOU DO??”

Relax, nothing much, just run a counter that waits for 1000 seconds and prints “Please restart the application”…”

“And?”

“Well, I,”
“You did something.”
“I just documented it! God, it was just comments, it doesn’t affect the code!”

“…”

“Why did you document the code? We never document our code.”
“I know. Intern or not, your code’s disgusting to read. It’s just good practice to document it. Took me all week to read a single file.”

“The floccinaucinihilipilification file.”

“Yes,”

“Geez, no wonder we’ve been hacked.”

“What do you mean?!”

“…”
“…”

“No way.”
“You guys can’t be serious.”

“You mean to tell me, that you never had any security in the first place??”

“…well, we never needed it. No one could figure out what our code ever did. It was the simplest and most effective of security: the safety of no knowledge.”
“But now that you’ve so helpfully documented everything, we’re an open book.”

“Well, what now?”

“You’re asking me?
(sigh) I guess it’s time to put my degree to some real use, isn’t it?”

CA84317A-915A-4B0B-BFBE-CC5EAFD6E4C4
Terrible photography and procrastination at its finest, I sometimes dig down in my gallery and find random photos of code I either was writing on the verge of giving up writing. No one has code photos on their phone. No one should.



This is in no way influenced by the fact that I am learning assembly language and can’t imagine any better use for it than for concealing stuff that’s otherwise so obvious even a beginner coder could work it out. It’s also extremely cool and puts you in a very secretive environment-frame of mind.

Pride

Stride
All you like
With a glide
In your footsteps
And pride
Hold your chin up
High
Like you have somewhere to
Go
And purpose to show
In every pace you
Move
And they approach
Calm, composed
Silent,
With the briefest look in the
Eye
That doesn’t give away my
Lies
Push on
One step
Back to my back

To let it all out
In a jelly wobble.

Walking through new buildings looking for a study space is one of the most psychological experiences I have in a day.
I know most people are only trying to help, but when I’m in a new building and looking around for someplace I might want to plop and get working, I really don’t want you asking me, “Where do you want to go?”
Am I lost? Yes, I’m lost. Can you help me? No, because I don’t know where I want to go. Yes, you’ve been around this building for years and years and know every inch of it by the inhale at the start of the syllable it begins with, but you still can’t help me, and I don’t want to stick around and hear it.
I know you’re being nice, but I’m just feeling like there’s impending judgement. Just don’t acknowledge me. I’ll find somewhere to sit.

Apart from that, exploring new buildings is also admittedly one of the coolest things you can do, because as a student, you’re legally allowed to just walk into a random building and it’s not trespassing, and you get to live out your Dora The Explorer dreams.

I got me supplies, let’s go!

What do you find exciting in a normal day? And what terrifies you, even though it’s totally normal?

Breaks

“Alright, James, this is it.

Our big moment. Our day in the sun. Our breakthrough. The beginning of the dream.
No longer will this old life continue. This is the start of fame and fortune, and a successful career.

James, oh James!
Make a bold statement, James!”
“I already did, Lily, here it is, in bold, and italics too. Good luck paying for the printing.”

Short Tails

“You two can keep squabbling over whether that’s a head or a tail.
All I know is, it’s two dollars, and a mint gum costs that much, and that’s just what I’m going to hop over and buy because you’ve been arguing so long, my mouth’s gone stale from disuse.”