Survey #8

Being a devil in hell must be fun. Standing over a poor soul that did nothing more that stealing a bubblegum worth 1/100000th of his pocket money and monitor his screams as you have him sit in a boiling pot of something that’s definitely not coffee, (while you sip one, with popcorn in your other hand) and, well, basically torture them, that, and not sitting on your butt for nine hours in an office chair that doesn’t swivel, being your primary job, must be fun.

So this week, I asked my surveyed to bring out the devil in them, and prepare a CV for their posts afterlife, and see just what torture means to them.

Q: What is torture, according to you?

(Also might I mention this survey has a sponsor: our one and only 卍.)

Vedika: Torture is spoilers.

Aakansha: Anticlimax and fictional character deaths.

Priyansh: Anything and everything.

Deepan: Having a guitar with the higher E-string broken.

Sakshi: Wrong pronunciations of words, pulling a door that needs to be pushed, and waiting for Game of Thrones season 7.

Nirmitii: Mathematics and punctuality. (I’m forever late) Also, speedy people are useless weight on the earth.

Anshul: Just four letters. C**** B**** Stupidity in Excess.

Saif: Sitting in front of food during Iftaar.

Anjali: Torture is when your favourite show ends, and you have to wait for a new season, for one year.

Rishbha: Physics + Chemistry.

Diya: When someone pulls my hair because they think it’s a wig… Like, what?

Manya: Torture is not being able to meet Ranbir Kapoor and Virat Kohli, or not being able to read books.

Tanishi: Torture is being in a lift with lizards.

Pranav: Going to coaching classes. (A side note from a surveyee here: Then don’t. Listen to your heart.)

Sudhanshu: Preparing for IIT!

Satchit: Hyperconjugation effect!

Aayush: Torture is suppression of scientific temperament.

Aditya: MU.

A.M. : Torture is studying, spending time on unimportant things and watching Indian soaps.

Mohak: Torture is sitting beside Priyansh. (Priyansh: I agree.)

Mahima: CHEMISTRY  (“make that bold, italics, caps!”)

Aayushi: Torture is talking about food.

Ashay: Sitting next to Aayushi.

Krishnan: Sitting beside Sudhanshu and studying for IIT.

Harshuday: Torture is waiting for Walking Dead season 3, and Chemistry!

Lakshit: Anshul’s terrible puns. (Anshul: my puns are still better than you are,)

Shivam: Torture is living in a place where you don’t want to live and doing something you are not passionate about.

Nethra: Morning assemblies in my previous school, and talking (or even looking!) at Vennie.

Shefali: Torture is getting up early.

Rajveer: Physics.

Charul: Reading novels, and that’s why I don’t.

Radhika: Waking up early.

Ayushi: Torture is when we are short of time and there is a lot to study.

Aditi: Books that are extremely extremely slow and boring.

Rashiv: Torture is a four-year wait for Sherlock. (There are more number of seasons in Nature.)

Shrinjay: Trying to pretend that I understand physics.

Jatin: Torture is being in a room with high speed internet and 2% phone battery, and your crush texts you.

Aakansha ma’am: Torture is being subjected to anything I don’t want to, beyond my tolerance level.

Ajinkya: Torture is if I don’t get to play MiniMilitia for more than two days.

Aninthitha: Two hours of chemistry. Actually, screw that, even two minutes is enough to drive me insane.

Adhya: Chemistry.

Kaanan: Torture is seeing people not appreciate chocolate.

Manvika: I’ll tell you what is torture: not having a magic wand!

Anisha: Causing someone pain over and over again.

Anandita: Giving physical pain continuously, like maybe slowly squeezing a heart to let every last drop of blood out and kill.

Keerti: Not getting enough sleep and not being able to sing and dance well and not living in camp Half Blood.

Lamha: Torture, to me, is people being sad, denied their rights, not being accepted by people, not being what they want to be. That’s true torture to me.

Shreya: Interfering and troubling emotionally.

Daivya: Pain.

Gauri: Not knowing what your passion is.

Khushi: Being able to think is torturous; thinking is torture. Overthinking and overrationalising both result from the ability to think, so that is torturous.

Vani: Watching someone (including animals) die, or simply verbal abuse.

Arjun: French lectures, not having a joke to crack when you need it, when you want to laugh a lot but the situation doesn’t allow it, being ignored and having to explain your joke. And when Aayush tries to be funny and crack a joke.

Kruthika: Feelings.

Arathi: Starvation.

Anisha: Pace.

Sanjana: Torture is my current situation. Not being able to hang out with my friends since I moved cities.

Mahwash: Torture is my ‘bestie’. (No, you do not want to know.)

If you ever step into my shoes, I’ll let you know in advance, waiting for survey answers that “will be relayed to me by the end of the day”, but never are, is true torture. Sore fingers after typing too.

Okay, torture is also not having the money to hire a writer to do the clerk work for you!

Happy reading!


I don’t want the bright lights.
I don’t want the money.
I don’t want the big city.
I don’t want that comfort, it’s not for me,
I don’t want the stillness.
I don’t want the emptiness.
Don’t want it settled, never wanted it easy,
But I want it; know what I want to be.
Don’t want to sit and watch.
Want to go out and do it myself.
Not a lone wolf, but in no way the crowd;
If not made to shine, I want to stand out.

Don’t want the emptiness.
It scares me, worse than what you can see,
Don’t want the emptiness
To rule me;
I’m on my feet,
In my head, I’m gone
Don’t want to come back,
Don’t want the emptiness.
For in the end, it won’t matter
What will, is what you were, not what you have,
Decaying organic matter won’t be what’s left
I don’t want the emptiness.

Survey #7

Whether “Avadaa Kedavra” is your thing, or “Bippity-boppity-boo!” (What? No one liked the Fairy Godmother? Well, me neither, whatever.) a magic wand can be dangerous or life saving. Or maybe muscle saving.

If aliens come to earth looking for a responsible Chosen One to unlock the power of, and operate an all-powerful Magic wand, they better read this week’s survey.

Q: If you had a magic wand, what would you do with it?

Vedika: I’d stab someone with it.

Aakansha: I would use it to turn myself into a timelord and get myself a T.A.R.D.I.S.

Anshul: I’d get a lot of money, and in every currency. (Majorly euros)

Sakshi: I’m not a believer of magic, so having a magic wand in my possession would freak me out… but I might turn back time, make mountains fly and make the sky fall down. (she says so with a creepy grin.)

Aditi: I would move my best friend’s house so she’d have to live near me.

Charul: If I had a magic wand, I would be awesome and unique. I’d do whatever I want, duh…

Shlok: I’d do everything I want to with the wand.

Pranav: I would rule the world. (maybe)

Aayush: I would dissolve the Indian Parliament and establish a new world order.

Krishnan: I would make the poor people rich and make India a superpower, the world’s best economy and the most powerful country in the world.

Ritankar: “I would be ballin’.”

Shrinjay: I’d start a school called Hogwarts.

Shivam: I’d produce more magic wands from that one wand and sell it to the underprivileged people for 50 cents.

Nirmitii: I’d correct everything that’s wrong in this world.

Arjun: I’d make everyone follow the path of peace and love, and I’d amass a lot of wealth.

A.M.: I’d fly; I’d erase all discrepancies.

Amrita: I’d make everyone hard working but not self centred.

Aayushi: I’d be batman.

Shreya: I’d design my dream home.

Oleina: I’d make myself invisible at anytime.

Gauri: I’d get Doraemon’s teleportation door.

Vidhi: I’d recreate the world.

Harsha: I’d try to fulfill my parents’ dreams, make them happy.

Jyotishka: Um, I don’t know, I have what I need.

Ajinkya: I’d make all teachers vanish. Whap!

Rajveer: I’d create a millionaire’s perfect life and two twin Spanish girlfriends.

Shefali: I’d rule the whole world.

Tanishi: I’d shift to London or Mauritius with my Delhi friends, and put a smile on everyone’s face.

Mohak: I would make a ‘deathnote’. (Yes, that was an anime reference!)

Aditya: Whatever I did, the rest of the world,including you, would remain blissfully ignorant.

Harshuday: I’d play for Liverpool.

Hardik: I’d make a basketball court in this school!

Nihar: I’d make all the books of this world disappear.

(It’s true, I usually strive to ensure the answers have as little of my opinion as possible, but I can’t help wondering what I would have done without my survey book… This little thing has kept me going for seven surveys… If it were a person, it’d deserve a double layered cake, but what makes it better than a person is that it’s low maintenance. If only humans were notebooks.)

Akanksha: I’d conjure up a lot of dogs.

Mahima: One by one, I’d try out all the outfits, shoes and hairstyles. I’d make myself fly, too. I’d make Aditi Chincholi wear chaniyacholi.

Jatin: I’d bring my toy rubber lizard (Poplu) to life.

Sudhanshu: I would improve the educational system. I’d make watching anime in school a compulsory period, and I’d also become a ruler.

Arshya: if I had a wand, I’d probably give myself the ability to fly or to read people’s minds.

Joshika: I’d steal away all the money from Anushka.

Anushka: I’d want to make people who annoy me vanish (like Joshika)

Daivya: I’d learn how to pull a rabbit out of a hat.

Shamila ma’am: I’d build a big house for my cats.

Shania: I’d steal Richa’s eyebrows. They are perfection.

Richa: I would randomly procure things that I wanted and make things I dislike disappear. P.S. Don’t ever get Shania a magic wand.

Ashay: I’d break it, I don’t know why.

Lakshit: I’d turn everything (or everyone) into food, mainly burgers.

Siddharth: I’d give myself the power to alter probability.

Riya: I’d go to Hogwarts.

Vyshnavi: I’d become Neha and come in the top 100 of IIT.

Diya: I’d turn into Doraemon.

Hrutvi: I’d make my friends have time to come enjoy with me.

Dhruv: I’d make myself something to eat.

Kritika: I’d turn everything into chocolate! I’d stop time, or add an extra 24 hours, so I can sleep.

Priyansh: Nothing. The world is fine the way it is.    🙂

Pranav: I’d get whatever I want!

Harneet: I’d fly. Wingardium Leviosa!

Radhika: I’d make myself pretty and smart.

Deepan: I’d probably destroy all the atrocious Hindi dubs of Harry Potter.

Anandita: Why use it for one thing? I’d use it for everything!

Manvika: I’d put a curse on mankind to speak the truth for the rest of their lives, mwahahahaha! And I’d bring good fictional characters to life.

Navya: I’d give Voldemort his nose back and place a spell on it so it can’t come off. Then I’d click a picture of him crying and Instagram it. Then I can say, Now I’ve seen everything.

Anush: I’d do everything I wanted to.

Khushi: I’d transform myself into a unicorn, or better, into an inedible Siddhivinayak modak. (Or maybe one in a bulletproof glass case.)

Keerti: I’d legalise magic.

Shivani: I’d add some extra days to the week.

Sanjana: With a magic wand, I would do literally anything and everything.

Anisha: I’d skip to Monday because I don’t want to give my test on Sunday.

Arathi: I’d go to different parts of the world, without a ticket, of course.

Adhya: I would want to change the mindset of the people who judge a woman on the basis of what she wears.

Manya: I’d act like Harry Potter. And I’d make Ranbir and Virat personal. (She fans on.)

Anisha: I’d teleport.

Lamha: I’d make a world where everyone is equal and the world is rid of hatred, and ensure that there is chocolate for everyone. All kind of chocolate.

Kruthika: I’d make Donald Trump disappear.

Aninthitha: Avada Kedavra.

Anjali: I would use it to make food anytime I want, and I’d give it to people for free too.

Vani: I’d make endless tacos everyday.

Mahwash: I’d create an unlimited stock of pizzas and donuts and chicken biriyani.

Survey #6

“King for a day, princess by dawn
King for a day in a leather thong
King for a day, princess by dawn
Just wait ’til all the guys get a load of me”

Went the Green Day song King For A Day. And thus began my next survey.

Q: If you were Queen/ King for a day, what would you do?

Shania: I’d hold a meeting with all the DC and Marvel superheroes and villains and work towards making better movies for people! It’s such a noble cause!

Aayush: I would make a course in GEB compulsory for every 13-15 year old.

Daivya: What Aayush said!

Harshit: I’d make everyone rich, no poverty!

Maulishri: I’d make football ground!! Get the roads straight!

Vyshnavi: I’d make Harry Potter a textbook.

Neha: I’d get a bunch of my favourite artists to do a Broadway re-enactment.

Ashay: I’d start a dictatorship and be King forever.

Anandita: I’d book all my travel tickets with my wealth. I love travelling!

Satchit: I’d end poverty. I’d make learning an instrument and singing in public mandatory and would constitutionally end monarchy so I’d go down in history as the last King ever.

Eesha: Arrange a lot of events so that my people can come together and have fun despite their social status, wealth, age or gender. Also, I’d bill the best cooks in the world to make me good food.

Akshay: I would get into IIT.

Shubhankar: I would sleep.

Anand: I’d (have time to) watch anime, read books, watch TV series and movies.

Aakansha: I’d pay for all sorts of trips and buy houses in every place around the world in advance so that I am travelling for as long as I want when I’m not King anymore.

Anushree: I’d be a rebel and bring monarchy down.

Richa: I’d bring down any other form of government.

Khushi: I’d laze around all day.

Rishbha: I’d crush everybody’s ego.

Diya: I’d make my crush fall in love with me.

Hrutvi: I’d buy exam papers.

Amrita: I’d rule.

Vedika: I’d kick ass.

Anisha: I’d legalise gay marriage everywhere.

Lamha: I’d legalise LGBTQ+, have equality for all people, I’d be forever rich and buy chocolates.

Vaishnavi: I’d buy KFC.

Aninthitha: I’d declare Doctor Who day a national holiday and turn into a werewolf.

Arjun: For Aayush, I’d legalise dope and for me, I’d make myself King for another two years.

Devyani: I’d declare PACE illegal!

Sakshi: I’d do that creepy hand wave every hour, declare people above 5 ft tall genetic defects. I’d order all restaurants to give free food, and there will be grand parties every night!

Yusuf: I’d steal all the money from the treasury and spend it later.

Priyansh: I’d make weed legal.

Deepan: I’d change the educational system and try a communo-capitalist economy.

Rashiv: I’d un-ban banned torrent sites.

Shrinjay: I’d make anime a mandatory co-curriculum activity for all children in school and remove the ‘quota’ system.

Aditi: I’d buy all the factories around the world, own castles and valleys, and eat.

Aditya: I’d just wake up from that dream, I guess.

Nirmitii: I’d appoint people to shop for me, (who wouldn’t want someone to do that for them?) and I’d renovate Mumbai.

Manasi: Free pizza!!

Manvika: I’d get an unlimited supply of food coupons for a lifetime. Also, for the ones who make me mad, off with their heads!!

Manya: I’d get myself countless novels and rule Ranbir and Virat!

Anush: I would sieze control of the government and turn it into a dictatorship and then get all the black money back from politicians and enforce strict laws on littering and, generally speaking, I’d make India the place that it deserves to be.

Anshul: I’d live my life like Emperor General Aladeen.

Kruthika:(pat comes the answer)I’d change the educational system.

Anjali: If I were Queen, I’d meet all the people I adore, like Theo James and the guy from Suits… though I guess I’d take about 23 hours to absorb the fact that I’m queen.

Sanjana B: I’d have a huge pizza slumber party. With free pizzas of course.

Anisha: If I were queen, I’d meet all the people I want to meet, like Benedict Cumberbatch, and he’d have to come and meet me, ’cause I’ll be QUEEN.

Mahwash: I’d remove some particular people from the country.

Some may be born into royalty, but royalty is simply born into some.