Survey #25

One day life is a double vanilla creme latte con pana, the next day, it’s in the trash.

This week, we explore the lives of surveyees, MasterChef style. (Or not so much.)

Q: Describe yourself in food terminology.

Aakansha: Red Velvet. Banana. BANANA IS PERFECT.

Shania: Gold-foiled, sweet caviar with apricot jam topped with white truffle shavings. Amazing yet absolutely unnecessarily expensive af.

Anushka: Rasgulla. (Credits: Sakshi)

Sakshi: Ragada pattice + lettuce.

Siddharth: I’m dark chocolate cake with a milk chocolate between cake layers.

Saarthak: A multi flavoured ice cream. (Different flavours expressing different parts of me.)

Eva: Sev puri.

Rashiv: Cheeni. (Sugar)

Jai: A double cheeseburger.

Satchit: Pie flavoured pie.

Khushi: Cheesecake and chai.

Harshuday: Butter chicken / Tom yum soup – Singaporean.

Hardik: Bhindi ki sabzi.

Lakshit: A noodle frankie.

Shrinjay: Udon noodles – Japanese.

Maulishri: Brownies.

Richa: I’d be an onion: layered.

Neha: Broccoli (it’s a positive thing, not negative. Broccoli positivity.)

Ashay: Hot and sour.

Daivya: Red velvet pastry.

Aditya: Umami.

Satchit #2: Coq au vin. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)         ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)     ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)    [Sorry. I’d promised to spam.]

Radhika: Butter chicken.
Eggplant lasagna.

Anandita: Chef’s special. No one’s tried it yet. [Me: Why?]

Yusuf: Long fine rice with a sprinkle of salt and fresh basil and thyme aroma with yellow pulses… KHICHDI!! Rocks!
[clarification: He didn’t mean ‘rocks’ as food.]

Simant: As cold as vanilla ice cream along with Hershey’s chocolate syrup toppings and a chocolate fudge cake! Slurrp!

Ronan: Quite fiery, with some pepper. Sweet aftertaste. 😉

Shamila ma’am: Hot chocolate cake! 😉

Manish sir: Cocktail.

Sakshi: Spicy chicken broth along with dark chocolate!

Mahima: Tic Tac.

Saif: H-U-N-G-R-Y.

Lamha: RAINBOW CAKE! (With sprinkles. [ (crazed smile) ]

Nirmiti: Cappuccino. #Hangry Di… You get it. *wink wink* *blush blush*

Deyvani: Froot Loops [(TM) (R) (C) @ All copyrights reserved, I do not own anything, YouTube is free for all, no animals were hurt during… What am I doing. Interrupting mid-answer.] with Szechuan sauce.

Divya: Pizza.

Isha: Caramel.

Adhya: Caramel frappé. Just because it’s my favourite.

Vani: Chocolate chip cupcake. Or Alive by Chocolate Donuts. (Dunkin Donuts) [(R) (TM)… Forget it, sue me.]

Sakshi: I don’t like food, I don’t like myself.

Anushka: Spicy with a hint of salt.

Anushree: Kimchi rice/Noodles and Tiramisu.

Satchit #3: Bheja fry.

Ajinkya: Maharaja Mac (chicken).

Arjun: A subway footlong sandwich (veg or non veg, your choice) and coffee.

Satchit #4: Honey, but I’m not so lucky. Yet. (Hello ladies.) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Vedika: Coffee and dead meat.
[explanation: just about alive, and dead.]

Aayushi: Hot wings.

Rishi: Masala papad.

Shivam: Humans. [Arjun: Hannibal Lecter loves you.]

Sai: Aloo paratha.

Sudhanshu: Noodles. My life is twisted. So much.

Sanyukta: I’m a pizza.

Navya: I’m a Durian.

Aparajithaa: Litchi.

Zeba: Spaghetti. (My hair is a mess.)

Girisha: Pizza.

Jyotishk: Dhokla.

Amrita: Mango. ‘Cuz ordinary.
[For tubelights like me: ‘aam’.]

Punyam: Steak.

Shlok: Dragonfruit.

Shreya: Coffee, passion fruit, and coconut.

Jatin: Chocolate boy.

Hardik: French fries.
[Satchit: ‘And everything else French too. Wink wink.’]

Ayushi: Chocolate ice cream.

Akanksha: Dosa and jam.

Shubhankar: Vada pav.

Tanishi: Honey chilli potato. (Sweet and spicy!)

Rishbha: Alfredo Pasta.

Rishabh: Sizzler. Nutella waffle.

“Annabeth”: Pizza.

Satvik: Nutella with rice.

Pranav: Spices with sweet.

Aryaa: Jelly.

Abhinav: Black Forest.

Charul: Dog.

Aditi: Rajma chawal.

Khushi: Butter chicken.

Riya: Brownie.

Maitri: Pani puri and cheesecake.

Niti: Salad.

Shubham: Paneer. (Tasty and soft.)

Suchi: Fries.

Nishigandha ma’am: Chowmein.

Aayush: Chocolate boy.

Aayush: A tall glass of water. (Bland) / Bheja fry.

Anshul: Ghost pepper wings, chicken or beef.

Kritika: Deep fried depression.

Mahima: Undercooked medium rare happiness.

Deepan: Anything deep fried on pan.

Manasi: Pizza- nice warm and fattening also helps in a peaceful death and foodgasm.

Vidhi: Pizza with jalapeños and extra cheese.

Shefali: Doughnut.

Mahwash: Chicken pizza with extra cheese. [And yes, pizza and junk food are two different categories. I learn.]

Pranav: image

Samadrita: Recipe looks easy but you realise the difficulty when you try to make it. Bland when made without feelings, but delicious when made with love.

Abirami: I’m like chocolate. Looks like poop on the outside, but nice on the inside.

Aninthitha: A dark blend of various meats with the choicest liver and a heart straight from the pits of hell, warmed by Lucifer served to you in a flesh prison sautéed with the freshest brine water and dirt straight from below your feet roasted to a medium brown by a unique French innovation called the sun served with a side of feels.
I would suggest a bottle of IF YOU ANNOY ME, YOU CAN TASTE MY FIST 2000 to pair excellently with your fine meal.
For desert we have MCR on a plate, ice cold, just how you like it.
Dead. Like you inside.

Anisha: I’d be a sizzling brownie, ‘cuz duh.

Manvika: Sauté + Smoked + Deep Fried + Tossed + Charred = Hot Mess.

Survey #24

Oh baby, you don’t know what I’ve done,
I’ve committed a crime, I’ve broken the law.
While you were here sleeping and just dreaming of me,
I held up and robbed a liquor store.

But I’ve got to creep down the alley way,
Fly down the highway,
Before they come to catch me I’ll be gone.
Somewhere they can’t find me.

There literally could not have been a better song to describe this survey.

(And yes, all you guys who kept asking what my answer would be, lookie right here!)

Q: You’ve committed a crime. What’s your next move?

Shania: Well, I know I wouldn’t need a job anymore.
[“Sunday morning is everyday for all I care…”
Who got that??]

Eesha: Silence everyone who has even the slightest clue about my involvement.

Siddharth: HIDE THE BODY! Then take the next flight to Venezuela and live a new life under the new name El Paco.

Saarthak: Accept it and face the consequences.

Shubhankar: Party.

Marc: If I’ve just robbed a bank and managed to get a lot of money, I’d buy a house in LA!

Ashay: Commit another crime.

Richa: Hide. Leave the country before anyone realises.

Daivya: “Jailer, write the last letter.”

Eva: Pat myself on the back, because I can’t even get away with stealing food from the fridge.

Khushi: Have cheesecake.

Pranav: C-O-V-E-R-U-P.

Shrinjay: Blame it on Aayush.

Aayush: I will call Crime Patrol to record it / show it on TV in a dramatic manner.

Nishidh: Go to sleep.
[comment from a fellow surveyee: “Permanently, as you’ll be killed.”]

Netra: Escape from the planet = Life of a loner = life right now.

Aayush: Go and surrender. 🙂

Joshika: I’d happily surrender myself and go to jail. Peace.

Anushka: Surrender, live happily ever after in jail. I’d be happier if I were hanged to death.

Sakshi: Flee to a random, isolated island. And live happily.

Shamila ma’am: I’ll call Manish.

Manish sir: Clear the evidence, and sorry GOD. [Comp kids will get this. The others: go west.]

Jai: Use it as street creds and enter the life of crime (thug life).

Yusuf: I’ll make all the evidence go against Akshat.

Maulishri: I’ll run away.

Shefali: I won’t tell anyone.

Divya: To commit another crime.

Satvik: Play thug life music in my head and walk away.

Devyani: Confess it.

Isha: Run away.

Satchit: 635904661833932832391062642_maxresdefault-820x420

Niti: It depends on what my crime was.

Maitri: I’ll lock myself.

Anshul: Flaunt it like a politician.

Manya: Commit another crime. It’s so much fun… (Maybe kill Virat or Ranbir’s girlfriend/wife.)

Sakshi: I’d give a smirk and be happy about it!

Manvika: I will post a picture of the crime scene on Facebook and ask what to do next.

Kruthika: Watch the world burn to the ground and sacrifice the corpses to the overlord.

Anandita: My thoughts go boom crash zoom.

Samadrita: Tell someone about it because I’m not used to committing crimes.

Rishabh: I will run away.

Jahnavi: Commit another crime!

Shivani: I’d courier the body to the cops.

Saif: Stay at home and chill! My father’s got contacts.

Anamika ma’am: I won’t tell you!

Pranav: Burn the body.

Raghav: I will return the toffee.

Hardik: Commit suicide.

Nihar: Commit some more, lol.

Krishnan: It depends on the crime I commit. Maybe I’ll feel guilty afterwards.

Priyansh: Enjoy Kattappa time.

Arkin: Enjoy Kattappa time with Priyansh.

Ajinkya: Find out ways to get out of it. Maybe I’ll run away to another country.

Rashiv: Wear a mask, commit more crimes and be called a vigilante.

Mahima: Eat a leaf.

Akanksha: I’d probably confess before they even accuse me.

Ayushi: Try to escape anyhow.

Radhika: Party; then run! And blame it on Jatin.

Jatin: Run. I am Groot. I am Groot. Yes, I am Groot.

Aditi: I will eat ice cream.

Saahil: Blame it on “Arushi”.


Satchit: Change the law.

“Annabeth” (pseudonym): Become a lawyer.

Hrutvi: I’ll go on a long vacation with my love.

Anushree: I wouldn’t tell you even if I knew. [You don’t. Hah.]

Adhya: Eitherway I am going to get punished. Might as well commit a few more crimes.

Harneet: I’ll admit it and surrender.

Manasi: When the police come, and say “You are surrounded by the police on all sides! Do not moved or else we’ll shoot you!”, I’ll start dancing the chicken dance and get shot and dies. YESS!! Death. Bless me.

Manasi #2: Bribe the police to join me and then get a biopic made on my criminal adventures.

Manasi #3: Go meet up with other criminals and make a group that overpowers the (ISIS too?) and make some more cool crimes (like smuggling Kinder eggs inside ‘the USA’ (The country of screaming Liberty and Freedom!! Aahh!! The Freedom is overpowering me!) (was to be read in a super high-pitched voice whiny voice) (P.S. All the best, typing out my essay-type answer. 6 mark answer. Give me a 6/6 for creativity, daddy!)

[Appreciated. Really. Sort of.]

Lamha: Commit a billion more crimes. Become a serial killer who kills with musical instruments like the piano (See below), etc., be the Whimsical Killer.

Okay so you take a grand piano and you start with slamming their fingers in between the key covers and basically breaking their hands. Then you lift the person’s legs and put them on the main cover (sorry I forget what it’s called, the big part on top) and you break the legs. You start from the bottom and keep going upwards till you’ve Crushed the upper thighs too. If you please, then you can damage the ribs a bit too, not too much though, wouldn’t want the torture to end so soon. Once they reach the point of begging for death, you leave a gun or knife just outside the person’s reach and place a laminated sheet of how the person can kill himself or herself with that weapon so that they crave for death, know the way how to end it, but just can’t. That’s how you can give them the torturous death you feel they deserve.

Vedika: Watch movies with Rue.

Tanishi: I’ll move to another country!
[Arjun: “No country will accept you.”]

Mahwash: Eat pizza and watch The Triangle with Charul. (Illuminati wink, wink)

Charul: Then kill Mahwash.

Rishbha: Prepare better for the next crime.

Anshika: Go to a virtual hibernation pod.

Shreya: Freak out, run away.

Ovee: Make peanut butter.

Vishrutha: Set into motion a sequence of events whereby I will either never be caught for the crime, or if I will be caught, I will never be convicted.

Kaanan: Act like I didn’t… I’d write it down on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and throw it into the ocean.

Jyotishk: I’ll probably go incognito. Off the grid.

Aayushi: I’ll go make meri do minute waali Maggi.

Aakansha: All crimes are given and supervised by the Assassins’ order. I cannot be held responsible. Hence, I will continue my life “normally”.

Mohak: Flee to the UK, and work with an F1 team. (Get the reference.)
[Comment from a fellow surveyee: “Slow claps”.
From another: “More applause (because I understood late).”]

Harshuday and Lakshit: Go underground.

Akshat: Try to flee to Denmark.

Prof. Aayush and me:
(We began by hatching a plan to kill people by throwing a piano. Developments have taken place since then.)
1. Induce current in the piano strings thereby creating heat H = I^2 RT. The “wire” unravels and wraps around the victim.
2. Using the magnetic properties of the “wire”, levitate the victim to a rocket with a magnet attached beneath it.
3. The rocket will shoot off like a roller coaster along a laundry line line, and land the victim on a cannibal’s barbecue roast.
It’s a no-invitation dinner.

Course: Master Shakespeare Of Bear Grylls Survival Arts. (MSBGSA)
A word of wisdom from the Prof. himself: Survival of the fattest (Cannibal dinner). 4 courses. (2 arms, 2 legs, brain, dessert (eyes).)

Alumni include: Crime Patrol.

Aaliya: Die of guilt and regret

Ani : Hehe one crime? You’re cooking at a serial killer here

Ani #2: Disguise myself as a loved one for every kill. Ensure that at least one camera gets a hazy profile. Enough to know its a loved one, not enough to make out its me in disguise. All this is done when the ” loved one” doesn’t have an alibi

#3: Commit crimes irregularly and after long intervals

#4: Burn my fingerprints off( Too extreme. I value my fingers)

#5: Take the body into international waters. Chop it up into pieces and throw it overboard. Even IF someone finds the body, law enforcement will be too divided to solve the actual case.
Note: Have an unregistered boat or even better, steal one.

#6: Decapitate their heard and stuff a bomb in their mouth. Put heard in a kids school bag.

#7: Lol, just realised that the question just said crime, but no, l’ve straight up jumped to murder

#8: Work at a chocolate factory. Pour poison randomly into a vat. People die. Police are too busy investigating this and by the time they can properly investigate my original murder. In this time frame, I’ve disappeared to New York.

Satchit: Make my one phone call to Aninthitha to ask her to stop giving so many responses.

Ani #9: Hide the body in a graveyard.
Ani the Intellectual.
Highly impractical, I’m afraid; but if you want to do that so badly, hide it under a newly dug grave’s coffin.

[… Wait a minute… Is there a conversation going on here? I missed something. You and you?!]

Ani#10: Chop the body into pieces. Go to a non-veg restaurant and cook this with the food.
French guy: Ze foode iz verry bon. What deed you make?
Chef: Roasted ass.

Aryaa: I’d probably dissect the body to pieces till I’m content with my findings. It is weird that I feel so vaguely happy at a chance to do so?
[Me: No, not at all.]
I’d become one of those people who kills people guilty of other crimes while going about acting innocent myself. (Dexter fan alert!)
[Fun fact: She has recently earned herself a membership with the prestigious Cactus League.]

Aditya: Take up a new identity and move somewhere else.

Sanjana: Plan the next one even better.

Vidhi: I’ll brag about it. To my friends. Feel badass.

Anisha: Probably go on the run.

Arathi: Throw a party. XD

Anisha: image.jpeg

Wipe the blood off my knife, obviously.

[Yep folks, the one from last time.]

Vani: I guess I’d cover it up.

Abirami: 1. Cover up every single possible evidence. 2. Live a normal life.

Deepan: Clear my conscience.

Satchit: money-paisa-aib

Follow Columbus and Ye Shall Find India.

Generator: In computer science, a generator is a special routine that can be used to control the iteration behaviour of a loop.

Operators: An operator is a symbol that tells the compiler to perform specific mathematical or logical manipulations. C++ is rich in built-in operators and provides the following types of operators: Arithmetic Operators. Relational Operators.

Destructors: In object-oriented programming, a destructor (dtor) is a method which is automatically invoked when the objectis destroyed.

Taken together, Generators, Operators and Destructors can be abbreviated G.O.D.]

[Yes sir, I learned something this computer class.

No sir, what Wikipedia??]

Survey #23

Back with another question for the week, the menace of all my surveyees.  😉

Q: What would you consider the bare essentials for survival?

Siddharth: Food, music, earphones, my phone, wifi, a good sense of humour.

Mohak: A couch, a TV and a gaming console.

Eva: The will to live.

Khushi: “These mornings of waking up to classic rock and chai with the family in one room is what I live for.”

Ajinkya: Food and MSI gaming laptop and coffee.

Riya: Chocolates.

Aakansha: Food, obviously. And other survival equipment depending on the habitat.

Aayush: Currently surviving.
Everything I have right now.

Anamika ma’am: UN: Food, water, security, air.

Pranav: Life/ music.

Akshay: Sleeping pills.

Daivya: Wifi.

Ashay: Jai Naik. <3.

Marc: Watsr, Shubhankar, PS4 (I don’t play it,) Unchartered 4c Wildlands.

Archit: Computer Science, C++, Internet, food (a bit), music.

Saarthak: Wifi, phone battery, A/C, ice cream.

Shania: Books (unlimited supply), food (fruits are fine) and kajal. If this doesn’t exceed my budget, then a small lamp too.

Joshika: O2/H2O.

Sakshi: ↑ What Joshika said.

Anushka: Food + sleep + ↑↑What Josh and Sakshi said.

Netra: People. Living people.

Neha: Music. Math. Organisms. [not to make those apart from humans feel left out.]

Anand: Instincts, humour, wit.

Maulishri: Me! Duh!

Eesha: Nice food, a book and a nice playlist.

Shamila ma’am: Cell phone.

Rishabh: Music, food, friends, mobile phones and cars.

Karina: Food, water, friends, phone, wifi.

Sanyukta: A pen and a paper to write on.

Anushka: Music and food.

Hrudita: Sleep, food, TV, laptop.

Nandinee: Food, food, music, food, sleep, food, food, people, food. Yes.

Dhruv: Willpower.

Chinky: Food. Duh!

Shivani: CH3COOH, alcoholic.

Manya: O2 / Me! ( I am the bare necessity for survival.)
[just over her shoulder, Anushree writes: Trust me, she isn’t.]

Anushree: BTS.
[just over her shoulder, Manya writes: You will be death for everyone, mwahahaha.]

Saif: Music, food, water.

Aninthitha: 101 How-To spot a science student: their answer will be O2. [Well, it was hers.]
Bare necessities, just bare necessities. Eddie Redmayne and Tom Hiddleston.

Anin #2: Moriarty: Sherlock.
Molly: Sherlock.
World: Johnlock.
Mary: John.
John: Fuck you Mary.

Ayushi: Music.

Arjun: Internet, water & tons & toms & tons & tons & tons again & tons & toms & tons & tons returns & tons always & tons & toms & tons & tons of rokda a.k.a. money.
[Me: Haha, there’s something known as ‘copying-and-pasting’, screw you, Arjun.]

Mahima: Baba Sehgal.

Aditya: ϕ.

Deepan: Hope.

Aayushi: That’s a very loaded question.

Saahil: Selena Gomez, the Internet, food x infinity.

Vedika: Netflix and Dark Necessities.

(Pseudonym on request) Annabeth: Someone who will understand you like the lyrics of a song and a good storybook!

Vishruta: A well-authored book.

Satvik: Food, water and sleep. That’s what we’re talking about right now.

Harneet: Books and food. That’s it!

Jatin: Money and love.

Radhika: Sakshi and wifi.

Sakshi: Laughter. Euphoric people. (Not necessary. Instead, your own people) Hope. Water. Music.

Abhinav: Friends and willpower.

Aditi: A pint of ice team, the Star Wars theme and all the sunflowers ever.

Manasi: Nothing. I don’t want anything. I just want death.

Spammers: “Tyler Oakley’s sass and Phil’s sunshine. Tronnor is real. Troyler sucks.”

Satchit: Food + water + shelter.

Anshul: Daler Mehndi Greatest Hits album and Flight Mechanics (all volumes) and pizza, duh. (P.S. I know that all of these are essential as my house is getting renovated and the only reason I’m surviving is because of these things.)

Charul: People’s soul.

Tanishi: Family, wifi, phone, good food, sleep.

Aayush: “Arjun. ❤
Arjun: Aayush. <3”

Aninthitha #3: “Dan: Phil
Phil: Dan.
Troye: Connor.
Connor: Troye.”

Kritika: Death, because once you’re dead, you’re dead.
[Philosophy of The Year]

Rishbha: Music, YouTube and of course me.

Sapna: A beating heart.
#2: Darkness.

Rhea: My piano.

Zeba: Stuff.

Unnati: Rhea. Girisha.
[voluntary friend list promptly filled by those concerned/wishing to practise writing their names. :P]

Shivangee: Friends, pizza, phone, wifi.

Sudhanshu: Internet, no studies, no rules.

Kaanan: Oxygen and food.

Mahwash: Biryani, pizza, junk food, YouTube, music, wifi, Charul, family.
[Upon querying the surveyee as to how pizza and junk food fell into different categories, I was taught the fundamental difference between pizza and junk food. I am enlightened. Someday, I’ll share it with the planet.]

Akanksha: Chocolate, to be honest.

Arshya: Air and cute dogs.

Aaliya: Browniec home, Internet, clothes.

Nishidh: Food, PIXEL and Internet.

Vidhi: The dark necessities.
[I was posed my question before my surveyee would reply.]

Amrita: Books! (Strictly non-academic), music, food.

Samadrita: My mother and my sister.

Satchit #2: ASDF movies.

Shefali: Food and music.

Divya: My piano and food.

Anisha: Dairy Milks.

Pragya: Painting!

Riya: Food and sports.

Kane: Lucky bat. Lucky beard. JUST DOING IT FOR THE TEAM.

Niyati: Oxygen, water, Netflix [starred], Food.

Twara: Justin Beiber, phone, wifi, music, poetry and dance.

Khushi: PLL, phone, phone, phone, phone.

Antra: Music, dance, anchors (significant relationships).

Diya: I’m not surviving anymore, I’m living. 🙂

Pranav: Brain.

Zahida: Faith.

Pranav: The perfect one. That’s all.

[Note to readers: I swear I have no clue how many Pranavs I’ve surveyed this week!]

Pranav: Food, water and video games.

[Note continued: I’m 97% sure they’re all different people…]

Harshuday: Food, water and video games!

Sudhanshu: Friends, food, music, anime, sleep, repeat.

Yatin: Food, music, family, sleep, privacy.

Hardik: French fries, IPL, basketball

Nihar: Food, music, cars, sleep, football

Hardik: Italian food and money $ $ + cars

Divij: Food, music, sleep

Priyansh: will to live

Shrinjay: Food, music & Netflix

Adhya: Kaanan ❤

Shlok: Cars, food, guitar, water

Shreya: Food, humour and Shreya!

Krishnan: Music, food, resources, money, movies!

Ritankar: Dab, money & food!

Harshit: Logic work!

Swaraj: Food and water.

Abirami: Money or phone,

Kruthika: I can’t help you, I’ve been dead for approximately 17 years. Plus why does one even want to survive?

So, bare necessities, some not-so bare “essentials”, some survival 101, hopefully, we’ll all make it out of a zombie apocalypse with our phones intact, but all I can think of here is a song by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

You don’t know my mind
You don’t know my kind
Dark necessities are part of my design
Tell the world that I’m
Falling from the sky
Dark necessities are part of my design.

Survey #22

Ever wanted to paste your face in the centre of every screen in town and be at the receiving end of curses every time the climax of everyone’s favourite TV show cuts abruptly to a “short commercial break” from which they’ll “return soon”? Then what are you waiting for?! Try the Red Iron Man Notebook Surveys!!

Q: If you were to star in a commercial, what would you advertise?
(Another bonus question I threw in, optionally, was to make up a jingle for whatever surveyees chose to advertise. Oh well.)

Khushi: Red Label; because chai for life.

Anandita: Comfortable pillows. I love sleeping.

Eva: Lip balm, because look at me.

Vyshnavi: Oberoi Splendour, because I already do.

Eesha: FOOD.

Sakshi: Nirma – because spinning around in flowy gowns is me!

Anushka: Chocolates! Chocs for life.

Shania: ‘SP the Sandwich’. #Life goals.

Siddharth: I’d most probably advertise any and every sort of video game, because video games = life, bruh!

Ashay: Myself.

Richa: Toothpaste.

Daivya: Video games and Vapourwave.

Pranav: Capsuled food for gamers. Or paneer.

Shubhankar: Beard trimmer.

Saahil: Saxboi deo – use it and get free food and sex.

Anand: Myself.

Akshay: My computer science books, which are of no use.

Shamila ma’am: I’d advertise ‘love animals’.

Manish sir: I’d advertise ‘Meaning of Freedom’.
[Spoiler alert: Sir finally decided that the ad will (mostly) include 30-minute footage of him ‘flying’ (hanging from a suspending wire) to get the meaning across.]

Divya: Hair products. It’s too humid to handle hair here!

Chinky: Condoms- Aak kal ke Bachhe surakshit nahi hain, unke surakshit bhavishya ke liye Jamura Condoms.
[Note: I was supposed to get this done in devanagari. I can’t apologise for laziness. It’s inbuilt.]

Aninthitha: Funeral home called Reichenbach. *Everyone cries simultaneously*

Niti: Social awareness, issued in public interest.

Adhya: Probably an NGO. I know that it probably does not need an ad, but still.

Shreya: Local trains.

Deyvani and Kareena: Chocolates!

Kritika: Mattress, because sleep.

Sakshi: About how many fucks people give about fiction.

Lamha: Unicorns and chocolate.

Rishabh: Cars!

Anshul: Cash me ousside how ‘bou dah! [“Cash me outside, how ’bout that”]

Aayushi: Dermi-Cool prickly heat powder. (Aaya Mausam Thande Thande Dermi-Cool ka)

Rashiv: Esports.

Mahima: Cement.

Deepan: Stratocasters.

Aakansha: Social cause version: animal welfare. Otherwise: K-Pop. (Especially BTS, so that they have concerts here.)
[ 1. That job’s half done with your last statement.
2. Isn’t that in a way “social awareness” too? 😛 ]

Aditya: “Behold the whole new nuclear potato gun, which will destroy your world, bringing you peace and calm for he rest of your… err, life.”

Zahida: I’d advertise my brain, which I haven’t utilised.

Aaliya: Chocolates.

Rishbha: Nescafé Alta Rica – Dark like me.

Gauri: Any food, anything edible (oh, especially Nachos), but Chavan Prash and vegetables.

Manasi: “Condoms – don’t be a failure like me.”

(Faker-On-Request reply) (also, Manasi again,) Pepe: Your face is protection enough.

Sanyukta: Tasty food.

Manya: Pepsi (Virat and Ranbir) and ME

Keerti: Detective Agency commercial.

Aninthitha; Assassin for hire. You tread, you dead. *Matthew McCaughney voiceover*

Aayush: War, because what is it good for! Absolutely nothing.

Maulishri: Mountain Dew.

Priyansh: Pizza.

Hasan: Lamborghini.

Vedika: Washing Powder Nirma.

Saif: Vico Turmeric! Nahi cosmetic.

Nirmiti: Yo Yo Honey Singghh.

Hangry di Cappuccino: “Kandome” #SaahilGetsIt #Vedika101

[Once upon a time, in a castle far far away, there lived # used to be a visual censor for an abuse. Ah well. #GK-ONE-OH-ONE]

Ovee: Bollywood dancing.

Omkar: Earphones, because music is my lifeline!

Riya: Either a cricket show, or MasterChef.

Diya: Food.

Aditi: Scented tissue paper.

Shlok: A guitar.

Vrinda: Vico Turmeric. (Only because the jingle is nice, not promoting creams, or anything)

Zeba: Washing Powder Nirma.

Vidhrutha: Flipkart.

Girisha: Zeba Classes.

[The ad is ready too.]


Jahnavi: Starbucks.

Shrinjay: The Invisible Orange Swan.

Suchi: Books.

Sanjana: I would wanna star in a diamond ring commercial with Harry Styles * in loveee *
That’s the only way I can get him to put a ring on my finger. Plus I would get money, so yeah.

Mahwash: Anti-depression pills. XD My life now. XD

Anjali: I won’t tell you. Wait for my commercial.  😉
Or maybe I would advertise the purple lipstick Joey advertised.

Vidhi: I’d advertise/ promote some amazing film. P. S. I hope that means that I starred in the film too.

Satvik: Brain speed enhancing pills or something. Narcotics, basically. They might even induce coma.

Arathi: Anything that pays me well!?

Anisha: Anything related to stationery.

Kruthika: Poison.

Shefali: Your surveys.
[Me: Wow, really!?
Shefali: Yeah, because I couldn’t find an answer!]

Anushree: I’d advertise dark poetry. That’d be cool.

Aryaa: I’d sell strange looking pills that would allow a person to enter the fantasy dimension (however, they are actual laughing pills that make one laugh till THEY DIE!!!) [Moriarty face]

Vani: I’d advertise food.

Anisha: Hmmmm… See. Two things come to my mind. Sticky notes.
And a pocket knife that i used to tear my pace book apart.

[I then asked her to send over a picture of it, you know, to serve as human inspiration.]


Arjun: Durex and Ranveer Singh. Any ad with the slogan ‘Rishte ko Rishte hi rehne do, naam mat do’. Pizza ads.

Satchit: [Surveyee was unavailable for answering as he was busy selling slogans]

Arjun & Satchit’s Slogans: [advertising traditional South Indian pizzas]

“You can have it on weekday, you can have it on holiday, apdi pode pode pode.”

“Where do you find the Pizza Guru?
Right here, in Bengaluru. (And neighbouring states.)”

“Where is the best pizza from shore to shore?
Right here, in Bangalore. (And neighbouring states.)”

“Singing classes by Arjun Udupa.
Sa re ga ma pa dha ni sa.”
[Don’t, da.]

“Now in Bombay, pizzas by Arjun Udupa.
‘Thank god there’s one in SoBo, Andheri’s too far, ya.’ ”

“Nationalist pizzas by Arjun Udupa.
Doesn’t matter whether you speak Punjabi or Kannada. Just walk in, da!”

“Have an idli pizza with sambhar in a jar.
Don’t worry about the cheese, yar!”

“Introducing the Yamala Pagala Deewana Pizza for a Dharmendra, Bobby and Sunny Deol fans. Two bottles of desi daaru are used to make the dough. Punjab’s special before drugs took over.
Desi Daaru cause # make in India. # kaafi daaru # nostalgia of the long lost daaru.”


“Whether dressed or nude
Have Arjun Udupa’s pizzas, dude.
Real good food
While following the Dude
And playing Hey Jude
While chopping wood,
Though I don’t think you should
But the pizza will be good.”

“Get high on Arjun Udupa’s pizzas with weed
Forget all your sins and eat away your greed
Very irony.”

“Such flavour, much wow,
From Jharkhand to Gurgaon,
Oh my god, holy cow,
Bow chika bow wow #Arjun’sInUP
(Oh my god, how)
* Now available with gaumuthran too!”

[“Feeling low on creativity? Get ideas for your next advertisements from the pros (eh?), for just ‘one dollar four’s!”