Musings of an Exam Giver

It’s self explanatory. It’s addictive.

WARNING: Major geekish/chemistry/physics avalanche to hit in five, four, three, two…

Crap.

Well, here goes.

 

See me right of the sunset
On your color TV screen
Powdered, yellow as I can get
If you know what I mean
Nitro-groups to the left of me
And nitro-groups to the right
Ain’t got no looks
But warn the kooks
Don’t you start no fire

I’m DNP, not dynamite
DNP- your chemistry ain’t right!
DNP ain’t shit that flows
DNP – watch me explode!

 

Leaving group to the rest of the compound:
Babe, baby, baby, I’m gonna leave you
I said baby, you know I’m gonna leave you
I’ll leave you when the ‘lectric charge,
Leave you when the ‘lectric charge comes a-rolling
Leave you when electrons come along.

 

The aldehyde musician
Went in for a trade
With a tip of a hat
Over counter he bade
Good day mister, I’m no trouble to men
Just a humming traveler, I’ve come alone
I’ve no gun, but I’ve a microphone
But I’d trade my Carbon for a Hydrogen,
For then, I’d finally have found my ke(y)-tone.

 

When you ask the chemist for recommendations and they pass something over the counter with an evil grin and say, “Try Nitrotoluene” and you smile for a minute before realising that they meant trinitrotoluene, or TNT.
[probably the reason why you can’t get TNT at a chemists’.]

 

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Cuz they always said the sky’s the limit.

 

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey
Butane in my veins
And every other chemical compound in my head
And in spare sockets in my eyes.
       – Studying chemistry.

 

“Where it’s at
I got two study tables and a pile of books

 

All my life
I’ve been searching for something
Something never comes
Never leads to nothing
Nothing satisfies but I’m getting close

– And then one day, Heisenberg gave up and left it all to uncertainty.

 

Concentration of the reactants is inversely proportional to time. Sketch the graph… Concentration decreases over time.
Hold it, that’s my graph!

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A + B + C = pi.
Sigh. I miss the times when crust + filling + bake + icing = pie.

 

Who knows what conversations go on between radicals when they undergo decomposition?
“Welcome to my breakdown.
I hope I didn’t scare you.
That’s just the way we are when we come down.”

 

Bohemian Lament

Is this a real pile? Is it just fall-acy?
Caught in a landslide
Of books sliding down on me
Open your eyes
Look up to the ceilings and see
I’m just a poor boy
Pile of books taller than me,
Knowledge easy come, easy go
Little high, little low
Any way the wind blows,
The answers seem to blow with them
Away from me

Mama just killed a man
Just the turn of a page,
Now he’s confused and filled with rage

Mama, the lesson’d just begun
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away

Mamaaa ooooooooooo
Didn’t mean to make you cry
But I won’t be done with this by tomorrow
Grind on, grind on
As if nothing really matters.

Too quick
It’s time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Eyes shutting all the time

Goodbye everybody
I’ve got to go
Gotta leave the world behind and face the books

Mama, oooooo
I don’t wanna die
And sometimes wish I’d studied a bit before

I see a little silhouette of a book
Scandium, scandium, can you be less scandalous
Thunderbolts and lightning are just electrons flying at you
Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo Galileo didn’t see this coming,
No-o-o-o-o.

I’m an unpaired electron, no body loves me
Unpaired and Lost from his metal was he
Spare him his life of unfulfilled valency
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go
Let him go!
Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let me go.) Will not let you go
(Let me go.) Will not let you go. (Let me go.) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh mamma mia, mamma mia) Mamma mia, let me go
Bismuth has an orbital put aside for me
For me
For mee!

So you think the plain ground state was made for I?
So you think I’ll just keep spinning here till I die?
Oh, gaining, velocity baby,
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here

(Put down the book, and)
Nothing really matters
All the prep there can be
Nothing makes the difference
For me.

 

 

Revere a million prayers
And draw me correctly into your pulpiness (ruled exam paper)
But there’s nothing there
Light only shines for those who’ve studied
Unleash a million pen marks
And blank out then erase them babe
Do you have no mind
It’s like it died
Long ago (Sometime last night)

Sleep feels warm to the touch
It can bring me back to life
But chemistry blazes me alive
Now I’m dead inside.

You’re free to give brains a fry
Whilst I am crushed and pulverised
Because you need control
Now I’m the one who’s letting go
You like to give an inch
Whilst I must convert to centimeters
But now I’ve nothing left
You have no cares and I’m sleep bereft

Your skins feels warm to caress
There may be magic in your pages
On the outside, you’re ablaze and alive
But you’re deadly inside

Fill me now, with expertise
I need you to sit in my brain
Open up to me, stop hiding from me
It’s hurting, babe
Only you can help me pass
Don’t leave me out in the cold
Don’t leave me out to die
I gave you everything,
I can’t give you anymore
Now I’ve become sleep deprived.

 

When the super-important, favourite-child, Earth-shattering discovery of a ‘100% appearing’ question does NOT feature in your paper and you were COUNTING ON it – Butthurt.

 

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Believe you me I have a pocket dynamite. It’s not an insulated wire cutting gone wrong.

 

Exams in 5 days.

 

 

I’ve just found the meaning of life.
(On the Internet, no less.)

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Loki got it easy. He became the god of mischief. Mischief. How easy is that. Try being the god of chemistry. Won’t last a day.
Pull this pin, let this world explode.

 

Light falling on a perfect black body:
“Hello darkness my old friend
I’m back in black!!”

 

It was a sad moment.
Someone said to me, 3DS, as in the Nintendo 3DS.
I had a mini brain crash and was left wondering HOW on earth do you mix a 3d and a 3s orbital like that.
And then another meteor crashed: that of memory.
Hello from your past? Remember Nintendos? You fucking own one.

Oh, crap.

 

The name’s Bond.
Pi bond. Code =.

 

Chemistry is all about observation and educated guesses.

 

The answer my friend, is blowin’ in the wind
The answer is blowin’ in the wind.

How easy would exams have been then!

 

If your mum is practicing to enter a Make the Weirdest Face contest, go ask her for some dihydrogen monoxide.

 

Frenkel defect.
Frenkel’s life: When you work so hard to discover a void, and get a defect named after you.

(At the end of it all)
Frenkel: Frenkly my dear, I don’t give a damn anymore.

 

Effects of chemistry:

Every step that I write is another mistake I’ve made
Every second I waste is more than I can take

I’ve become so dumb
I can’t draw you there
Become so tired, so much less aware
I’m becoming listless
All I want to do
Is catch more of sleep
And care less about you

 

Chemistry textbook: Aniline smells a bit fishy.
– Look at the crow calling the Raven black!

 

At 2 am
And all the coffee junkies
Open their pen-scratched palms
And ask angels made of ticking clocks and garbage scream out,
What will save us
And then the sky opens up
Everybody wants to change the world
Everybody wants to change the world
All I, want to do is try
Wanna try, wanna try, wanna try
Wanna try, wanna try now
To change the test date

EXCEPT IT DOESNT RAIN ENOUGH NOOOO

City rains: The rain, my friend, is blowing in the wind,
The rain is blowing in the wind

I still don’t think it’ll ever be enough! They’d make us wade through the knee deep water and write the paper if they had to!

Sometimes I wonder if My Chemical Romance got their name after spending long harrowing hours with their chemistry textbooks.

 

“Aromatic amines are less basic than aliphatic amines.”

Of course are, have you tried sitting all day drawing hexagons over and over?

 

Rho rho rho your charge
Gently down the currents
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Life’s an iostream.

 

C/C++: making hashtags cool before they were even called hashtags. #pound #include

 

Note: Despite all I’ve written about electrons, after a day without electricity (well, mostly) I’ve rediscovered my respect for the tiny unseen particles that control so much of our lives.

 

 

That’s about all of the rubbish I managed to squeeze in with 3 weeks or so of pure exam giving.

Whether or not it amounts to much in my papers is yet to be seen. But I hope you enjoyed this post!

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Hitting Where It Hurts

I called her names. I judged her, for what she was, wasn’t, and for what I imagined.

I felt myself on a creative high; my art fuelled by her presence and her silence.
I made little rhymes that made no sense.
And they all lauded me, cheered me on and whooped.
Called me a creative genius who never ran out of juice.

It was all fun and games, after all. It was childhood foolishness wasn’t that all it was?

We made planes. We pretended that she was the crash site.
And then, we overshot.
It reached the point of pencils and pens.

And it was a normal day. I aimed, I shot. The pen just narrowly missed her.
Mock anguish followed, of the World War missile having missed its target.
No matter, soldiers: we try again, for the country.

She was irked. But she said nothing.
And then seemingly decided against that too.
But I shot.
She finally turned to say-
And the pencil grazed her cheek, very close to her eye.

I startled. What was wrong with me? A sharp pencil, too; had I lost it!
This was just supposed to be a fun game, our break from the monotony of school!

“I’m sorry,” I said, going forward. “I didn’t mean to hurt you!”

She just looked at me, checking her cut.
“That’s not what hurts.” she said, turning away and disappearing, without having touched me, the slap cut deeper than my graze.

Wash Me Away

City rains: The rain, my friend, is blowing in the wind,
The rain is blowing in the wind.

Sums up today. It’s only been raining all day long. I woke up to a white screen outside my window blocking out everything beyond ten metres.

I went out this evening and stood in the balcony. It was a sad, dreadful sight.
As the sun began losing its fight for the day with the darkness, for once, we humans had no answer to the growing gloom.
Since, a as precautionary measure, the municipal corp had cut off the power to prevent any accidental electrocution in the storm, I faced a darkening city.

No street lights. No lights from windows of homes. No lights from cars, as except for the occasional car or bike straining its engine against the backlash of water, the roads of the bustling city were asleep, empty and soundless; the only sound was the deafening road of the rain hitting tarmac, or mostly, the surface of water itself.

The mighty metro, its clockwork movements, its disarrayed, haphazard movements, stilled and silenced.
The only other sounds coming were the occasional beeps from my phone, that mostly remained off, for battery conservation purposes (which is why my first reaction to the light returning was the make a dash for the nearest plug point), with messages saying ‘Stay safe’ and ‘Are you alright?’ and ‘Is everything fine?’.
Everybody looking out for everybody.

 

To make a wonderful day better, I was due to write my last exam, my computer paper, tomorrow.
(Does that explain my sudden disappearing off the face of the planet over the last month?)
Drat. I tried to study all I could till the sun set (and I won’t comment on the success I had), and in desperation, I definitely dropped a few hints… Synchronised swimming, computer coding, it was all the same after all, wasn’t it?

My sister chose to spend her day most productively. Daylight or night, she slept through it all.
Her first reaction when the power returned, after a few hours in the dark, was “Mmph, turn off the light.”

Daredevil, I realise, would have no trouble whatsoever in our situation.

Well, I’ve learnt my lesson.
Don’t take electricity for granted, don’t take a concerned friend for granted, don’t take your acoustic guitar for granted.
I’m heading out tomorrow morning for batteries, loads of them!
Apocalypse, here I come.

Bohemian Lament

Exams draw near, and it brings out the worst in me.

In my defence, I get bored.

 

Is this a real pile? Is it just fall-acy?
Caught in a landslide
Of books sliding down on me
Open your eyes
Look up to the ceilings and see
I’m just a poor boy
Pile of books taller than me,
Knowledge easy come, easy go
Little high, little low
Any way the wind blows,
The answers seem to blow with them
Away from me

Mama just killed a man
Just the turn of a page,
Now he’s confused and filled with rage

Mama, the lesson’d just begun
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away

Mamaaa ooooooooooo
Didn’t mean to make you cry
But I won’t be done with this by tomorrow
Grind on, grind on
As if nothing really matters.

Too quick
It’s time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Eyes shutting all the time

Goodbye everybody
I’ve got to go
Gotta leave the world behind and face the books

Mama, oooooo
I don’t wanna die
And sometimes wish I’d studied a bit before

I see a little silhouette of a book
Scandium, scandium, can you be less scandalous
Thunderbolts and lightning are just electrons flying at you
Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo Galileo didn’t see this coming,
No-o-o-o-o.

I’m an unpaired electron, nobody loves me
Unpaired and Lost from his metal was he
Spare him his life of unfulfilled valency
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go
Let him go!
Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let me go.) Will not let you go
(Let me go.) Will not let you go. (Let me go.) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh mamma mia, mamma mia) Mamma mia, let me go
Bismuth has an orbital put aside for me
For me
For mee!

So you think the plain ground state was made for I?
So you think I’ll just keep spinning here till I die?
Oh, gaining, velocity baby,
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here

(Put down the book, and)
Nothing really matters
All the prep there can be
Nothing makes the difference
For me.

Homecoming

I have a little news update.

A while ago, buried deep within a survey, was a little rant from this surveyor, complaining about how the world had gone and watched Spider-Man: Homecoming, including this surveyor’s little sister, but NOT the surveyor.

Well, news flash, I ditched homework (and basketball) for a day, and THIS SURVEYOR DID GO FOR SPIDER-MAN!

 

Every time I forget how dull my own little life is, divided between 12th grade, 12th grade, and ooh! 12th grade, how could I forget!, there comes along a superhero to remind the blind, mechanical, corporate people of the world how painfully pointless their lives are.

So basically, Spider-Man rocks.
The first credit roll has a lot of rough sketches, and I was that person who was standing at the back of the movie hall and gaping at a one point perspective hand drawing of Spidey sitting on a terrace and looking down. (The ground being the vanishing point.)

It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve geek-freaked in a public space.

Check out this little beaut I came across at the chemists’:

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Sure, every person in the shop was staring at the weird kid clicking a snap of Strepsils, but hey, it’s my gain.
I’ve scarred many lives already.
(Science kids’. Now why is this scarring, you ask?
Because if you are a science student my age, you would realise that this is a structure you can draw.
Yep, the fifty character long names with a lot of x’s and y’s are no longer just fancy tough to pronounce names in a memory game, hard to crack wifi passwords, unreadable words, they are now decipherable.
Doesn’t it kill you?)

 

Another good thing that’s come out of this movie session of mine is that I’m on my way to fulfilling a long overdue mission of my own: to read the Spider-Man comics, right from the first appearance of Spider-Man in 1963 in the Amazing Fantasy Issue #15, to at least the 700th (and last) issue of The Amazing Spider-Man series, that ended in 1995 and its successors (2012).

Yep folks, 15 done, only 685 monthlies to go, plus minus 10, and 20 annual issues.

But the Spider-Man comics are amazing for a few reasons apart from just the fact that This is Spider-Man we’re talking about here!

First up: Peter Parker was one of Marvel’s first teenage superheroes, and one of the most multi-dimensional caped caper out there.

He doesn’t just have a white collar job and help the world in his plenty of leisure time to feel like a good gentleman: this boy has real world issues.
He gets the nerd taunts. He has the money issues, unlike the billionaire hiring him in Homecoming.

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Just a another day in the teenage life?

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This is a guy who ends nearly half the Issues wondering if with all the blows he has to take as Peter Parker in order to be Spider-Man, is it really worth being a superhero?

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Often having to chicken out of situations he could easily have handled, just to return as Spider-Man, save everybody, and then come back as Parker just to be called a coward can’t be easy.

“Spider-Man is not a party trick.”

– Peter Parker

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But he takes it brilliantly, and comes back every time, and even gets to the point where, from having a ‘no-girl’ problem, he has the dreaded ‘two-girl’ problem!

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Real funmiester.

Another little thing: for all the times he’s called an opposing supervillian a loudmouth, he’s the biggest of them all!

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But coming back along the lines of Homecoming.
Do I have a senior prom? I’m not sure.
But if anyone asks me who I am taking as my date this year, I’ll just say it’s Señorita Baryta.

If you fell for that, shame on you. If you figured out that I’m romancing a bottle of Barium Hydroxide Ba(OH)2, shame on me.

No, I don’t have a date. I’m a science loner. But there’s hope, perhaps?
Even Parker gets Ms. Brant!

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A few final words to leave you with:

News of the world: Captain America had worn a corset once.
Good luck finding that!

 

Survey #34

We’ve often looked at medieval paintings, been in Scottish castles (that may be rubble by now) in gaping wonder, not only awed by how majestic they are, how weird their sense of dressing is, (“Is that a skirt?” “Shaddup, you, it’s a kilt!!”) and wondering what it’s like to have people in chainmail and weird hats around you twenty four-seven, but also with genuine respect for how this guys managed to live their WHOLE lives in darkness. Perhaps not literally.
But no electricity, meaning no TV, no wifi, no Fangirling over your favourite stars, watching reruns all day, firing your employees with a tweet… I’m digressing.
(Yeah, anyway, NO PHONE.)
But this week, we’ve tried sending our own brave adventurers out in the wilderness (or maybe not), with no shields, no phones, left to fend for themselves for the day… With little success.
Well, here’s documenting nothing!

 

Q: How’d you spend a day without electricity?

Siddharth: I would spend the entire day outside the house, going on a road trip or camping.

Saahil: Die in the heat. I live in Mumbai.

Eva: Sit at my doorstep and study, go to a poolside and study, and find any excuse to avoid communication with any human being because these are moments when I’m extremely pissed off.

[Doubt: I figured the words ‘poolside’ and ‘study’ were antonyms.
Even for a twelfth grader!]

Lamha: Running around, meeting friends, screaming unicorns & balloons & blow bubbles!

Aryaa: Jam to my unchanged phone.

Satchit: Framing my rescue for not finishing my homework because of this.

Pranav: Spend it with my loved ones, lots and lots of pizzas and ice-cream.

Saarthak: Buy power banks & then play games.

Khushi: Go play basketball.

Ritankar: Have lots of food and play cricket and football.

Anushka: Sleep.

Sakshi: Go out for a trek, or a long drive or find a place with electrical supply and live a regular day.

Joshika: Play dark room.

Arshya: Probably go on a road trip or a friend’s house.

Netra: Convert chemical energy into electrical energy through Electrolysis. (PACE STUDENT ALERT)

Marc: Use all the batteries available in a 10 km radius.

Aayush: Pool party yay!

Shania: My phone needs to be charged. If I don’t have electricity, how will I build Frankenstein? I need him to charge my phone, along with other things.

[Anecdote: Between the surveyor and this surveyee, a discovery was made.
We finally know why electricity was introduced into our lives.
We need a distraction from building Frankensteins.]

Yusuf: I’d go to Antarctica!

Aditya: Play outdoors all day along. Or spend the day with a fine novel.

Daivya: Go to the terrace and stare.

Parthiv: Can’t stay without electricity would rather spend my day in my car.

Maulishri: On the beach.

Neha: Complain all day with a friend who would put up with my whinging.

Eesha: Read books. ebooks if the power goes out at night (last power cut, I read Archie comics on my old phone.)

Vyshavi: Go to Imagica.

Richa: Use up all the matchsticks in the house, go out and play basketball and then come home to complain about the water not being cold!

Aayush: Spend all day trying to bring electricity back.

Ashay: You don’t.

Jai: Just keep flicking the PCB main switch all day.

Shamila ma’am: I would spend time with my cats.

Manish sir: Travel, walk, explore.

Akshat: Convert a dynamo to my cycle, go cycling, generate and sell electricity at high prices.

Anushree: I would go walking and probably get lost. It I’d watch Kimi No Nawa and Star Wars and analyse them with Satchit. Yope.

Manya: Dreaming.

Anshul: Study, read a lot of novels, EAT. Use fuel as an alternative to generate electricity and then live a normal life.

Rishabh: Go out on a long drive.

Diya: Stay and build a campfire.

Mahwash: I’ll go out with my friends to the beach.

Kritika: Sleep.

Arjun: Go for a walk.

Vani: Sleeping.

Vedika: Hunting in the forest. [Vani: Because she’s weird.]

Shivani: Run away.

Tanishi: I’d play Dark Room!

Rashiv: I’d go to FIITJEE.

Akanksha: I would lay on the bed hovering between life and death.

[Faker on request] “Dipankar”: I would listen to Pink Floyd and also society is terrible.
I would listen to Lipstick and also society is amazing.

“Dips”: Arjun has dibs on me. 😉

Mahima: I’d go to a farm.

Aayushi: I’d go to Bihar with a lota.

Nirmiti: Complete my novel reading backlog session and many other backlogs. #NotSoPerksOfProcrastination.

Riya: Sleeping and sleeping.

Ani: Go down, go insane, see dogs, read books.
[Ani: hmm.. Day with no fans…
Both of us: Band: No FANS!?]

Sanyukta: Paint, practice violin, pending work.

 

Well, to all you folks returned reading this on your phone, all I’d like to do is welcome you back to civilisation!