Still Days

As the last rays

Dip beneath their concrete horizons,

And the expanse of lined scratches

On the walls widens;

As the potential increases

And the noise levels drop,

The daylong golden reverie

Of a hazy afternoon pops;

There’s another day gone,

I’m never getting back.

Still days to go,

To lay to waste;

A full life’s worth,

Lazily retraced

Still I feel

An undying waste.

Laundry Bag

I’m currently my laundry bag:
I’ve been lying around all week
For you to trip over me;
I’ve been sitting around
Waiting for someone,
Oh someone please take me out
Of here.

I’ve been filling, and filling
My head up with trash,
And all your dirty laundry
And all your dirty thoughts
And all your old secrets
Lying in my pit that you forgot

And I’m in the one you want
To hide when your friends are around
Just a silent slide, underfoot
And then you think I’m gone

But I’m not;
Constant presence in your life
Constantly in your lies
My sloth like appearance belied
By nothing in particular

And if you’re so inclined
And if you have the time,
Can you please spare a minute
And straighten out my tangles?

Formally Speaking

I’m here to say something, but now I know that to just say, is really never enough.
You must be precise.
You must be rigorous.

And because I’m a full year math student, I will do do just that, and throw in some fancy looking quantifier symbols in all probability too, and then return to crying over my horrible math grades.

So here we are! First up, define all your variables.

Let us define Radiohead to have made an album.
Let a decade have passed.

“This is the worst crap I’ve ever heard”
—Radiohead, probably

“The meaning of life has been found”
— every critic ever, probably

It’s probably not that pretty looking a theorem because everything had a certain amount of uncertainty. Heck, even the uncertainty is really uncertain.

Which leaves me with my math grades, I suppose. Recursion, anyone?

Though we sort of can agree that Radiohead’s awesome.
Let’s make that an axiom.

Anyway, if you really need me, follow the salty blue trail.

(Sorry if you actually were waiting for those symbols. Turns out WordPress’s internal special character tab isn’t made to handle first year university math.

Will pie do for you? Pi?   π?

∴ π.   Thus we end. (More like you run away).)

I Did Not Sign Up For This

This is not what I saw myself doing when I signed up for this.

About two years ago, I put one tentative foot in front of the other and pretended to set out to become a design student with a C++ textbook in my closet. I moved a foot forward, shuffled a few feet back and learnt on the way, of all things, that I, as I had expected, would never become a fashion designer. I mean, I can barely keep my human sketches respectfully clothed, and the ol’ tried and tested tee and jeans they wear is beginning to fester.

B1A381E0-4B00-49DA-B728-E7337E172148
Unsurprisingly, every human figure I draw and get bored with eventually turns into a superhero. When it’s not a dragon. And clothed in spandex (not the dragon).

I knew it was visual/communication design for me. If I didn’t see myself dying of poverty (what was that C++ textbook for, after all?), I saw myself at least doing cool Hollywood stuff or basically doing this:

Okay, it is definitely a tad bit ambitious to say I saw myself working with my favourite band, mostly because I really wouldn’t be working at all; I’d be drifting through a dream and thinking about how the latest music video on Muse’s website would actually depend on me and be influenced and shaped by my style of art, and basically spending all day trying to (unsuccessfully? heartbreaker) somehow compare guitar notes with Matt Bellamy and go home at night under some happy delusion that Matt’s going to rub off on me and I’ll be writing riffs as good as Muse soon. Any time now. Reading’s just a few good songs away.

Wait, I got carried away, didn’t I… what’s that? You’re telling me you have no idea how and why I began talking about some life goal of being a musician and headlining Reading festival’s main stage and I was in fact talking about making a career in… of all things, design? Really? Give me a second to scroll up and get some context…

Okay, right, the design student working in communication. (Hey, it’s good to dream!)
So, I had fantasised about working in the music industry with bands and artists on video effects or album art or posters [I SAID I COULD DREAM], I had anticipated maybe working on effects or in films, or  in animation (though I wouldn’t really have wanted to), and I had feared ending up working on freaking adverts. (And subsequently mentally threatening everyday to quit and follow the footsteps of Wally Wood)

F9604EA2-FCBE-4680-A3A7-3841043BD408
A poor man’s Wallace, please? Maybe?

But I had never imagined finding myself in this situation.

 

DAAC93C3-91DF-4BEC-AC0F-09B03CEEF0E5

I’m drawing biology diagrams. I’m not even a biology student. I’ve reached a point where I don’t even know what I’m drawing. All I know is that it looks like benzenes. I miss shitposting about chemistry, honestly.
But I haven’t done any bio in years. I feel dumb. I’m drawing these for my little sister. Four years littler, mind you.
How that girl talked me into doing this, I’ll never know.

But if you need me, I’ll just be sitting in the corner with that C++ textbook trying to convince myself I know something. Oh, and watching an old live performance of Muse from 2000 at Eurockéennes under the covers.

(No, I didn’t just make the last bit up at random. I’m talking about this lovely. What about the first bit? I honestly don’t know.)

Saviour of the Universe

Ooh, has this blog been bustling!!
Over the last week, I’ve received about ten new email follows already, but I’m not exactly jumping about them, in reality, they’ve only been really hit-and-run, and I’ll explain that further.

You know when you sit down to create your new email id (your thirty-fifth one) and really don’t know what to name it? You eventually end up hitting your head/hands over the keyboard like a tortured Bach and then run to Enter before you can truly realise your latest masterpiece.
So has been the case here.
I’ve been receiving follows from all the qwertyabcxyz’s I could, and they’re all Outlook ids, everyday/second day, similar time.

Yes, I know they’re spam. But I didn’t really take notice. Heck, if they’re scammers, their self-appointed job is to spam me, in this situation, it’s me who’ll be spamming them. Besides, the stats look pretty, don’t they?

But before you question the validity of my blog, I’ll give you the latest: they’re all gone, each and every one of them. Poof, vanished.

I’d be lying if I said I weren’t disappointed. I’d have loved to engage some random jobless people hunching over a computer somewhere in ‘Latin America or the Carribean islands’ (unless that’s a VPN). They all (all the drunk-slam id’s of the same person) unfollowed.
Oh well. I guess that was the last of my spam interactions.

Boy, was I ever wrong.

So yesterday, after a long day of coding, I open my inbox to check for college mail, aand I see an email from an ‘Alex’.
I click.
WordPress wants to let me know that there’s a new comment on my blog. The grammar’s beautiful. See, on this blog, I have a ‘Moderate Comments’ setting on.
Unfortunately, I’d forgotten to do that on my other blog.
Soon, I receive another email.

This time, WordPress informs me that a comment has already been published on my blog.
It’s from–guess who–Alex!

It reads:

Nice blog here! Also your web site rather a lot up fast! What web host are you the usage of? Can I am getting your affiliate hyperlink on your host? I want my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol

The grammarian in me is moved to tears.

I’m annoyed, at 2 in the morning when I’d rather be sleeping (second thought: when would I not?), I’m being spammed by some bored spammer over lunch. What’s worse, my spam filter seems to be down. This shouldn’t have gotten through in the first place!

I’m about to hit ‘Mark Spam’.
Then I realise I haven’t watched a James Veitch Scamalot video in a month. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I highly recommend you Google him up. Top-notch fellow, rising comedian who’s routine consists of his true-life trysts with replying to spam emails. Worth your time, I kid you not.)

So I decided, I need my fix.

I hit reply.

Me:

Thank you.
If you want your website or weblog to be as fast as this one here, YOU MUST SUPPORT NET NEUTRALITY, MY FRIEND!
T’is the only way.

I sat back satisfied. There! With such a reply, even the guy must know he’s not doing a very good job being conspicous, nor is he getting what he wants… whatever he wants. I don’t expect to hear back.
But you know we wouldn’t be here reading this if I didn’t, don’t you?

Alex:

I am no longer positive where you are getting your info, however good topic. I must spend some time finding out much more or understanding more. Thank you for magnificent info I used to be looking for this info for my mission.

Interesting. Now I definitely see reason for using 10 different IDs. Also, I’m glad my little poem complaining about my life was vital for you to get the codes you need to prevent a nuclear apocalypse. I forgive you, Alex.

Me:

Thank you, 007. I advice maximum caution, and wish you the best of luck in completing your Mission successfully.

Alex is on a Mission. He has a clear target in mind. (Wish I knew if he knows what it is, but) He’s out to get it.
Guy won’t give up.
He tries again, with a different email id.
Unfortunately, he forgets to change his name. He’s still Alex. Hey, it’s alright. Changing ID’s must be like replacing the flowers on his table.
If he has any.

Alex (with a new qwoxzcdfwdw@outlook ID):

Wow, amazing blog format! How lengthy have you ever been running a blog for? you make running a blog glance easy. The full glance of your web site is great, as smartly as the content!

I like butter. I also like running. Running long, pointless conversations.

Me:

I agree with you, making a blog run sure is a lengthy task! In fact, we’re aiming for the 20k next month! You ought to join us!

Are you getting a hang of this? The point is to be as pointless, and as annoying as them. And pray you haven’t forgotten a chemistry test that’s happening the next day. No, I cannot complete a post without the word ‘chemistry’. I must be extremely bad at this.

Unfortunately, our friend Alex is too!
In fact, he managed to remember this blog too. The post he had targetted was one I had posted on both my blogs, so it must’ve been easy for him to get confused. My spam filter is on here, but this was as good as they come, I couldn’t pass it up.

Alex:

You actually make it seem so easy together with your presentation however I in finding this topic to be actually one thing which I believe I might never understand. It kind of feels too complicated and extremely large for me. I’m looking forward on your subsequent publish, I will attempt to get the dangle of it!

See, I was feeling pretty perky by now. I felt benevolent replying to this.

Me:

Don’t get discouraged, Alex! I recommend signing up for the Word of the Day on https://dictionary.com, it’ll work wonders! For example, a word like Floccinaucinihilipilification might seem huge, but it really only means ‘to judge something as worthless’.
Once you expand your knowledge, you’ll start feeling more confident about yourself! Go for it!

PS: if that doesn’t work, try singing in front of a mirror.

And I look forward to hearing from you on other posts soon!

If nothing else over the past half hour, he sure got part of this message.

Of course I heard back from him. He was sort of becoming my pen pal/ego booster by this point. Feeling low? Alex thinks your post can save the planet from destruction! (Yes, I received that thrice.)
He;’s at it again.

Alex:

I’m not certain where you are getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend a while learning more or working out more. Thanks for magnificent information I was looking for this information for my mission.

Alright, I get the point, I’m the Saviour, ain’t I? I don’t have to hear it from you.

I didn’t reply.

I think I broke him. His eyes opened. He saw the Truth.
I can sleep.


This afternoon, I check my inbox.
No Alex, bummer.

But, I have an email from an Enid Townsend.
Someone likes reading, and someone likes music.
And someone never grew up beyond Enid Blyton. Possibly. I don’t judge a book by its cover, nor a comment by the number of x’s/c’s/q’s in its sender’s email address.

Just to be sure, I check up the IP address.
Sure as day, it says ‘Latin America or the Carribean islands’!
Guess who’s back! I’m almost touched, Alex, no no no, wait, Enid remembered me beyond a day!

She says:

I appreciate, result in I discovered exactly what I used to be looking for. You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye

I love her already. She’s a rebel. She put a full stop for every sentence but the last. I have to oblige with a reply.

Me:

You did?! Lucky you, man! I’m glad you didn’t end up like this guy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3-5YC_oHjE
He’s been searching for 30 years now… maybe you guys should trade the secret to success, or something.

(That’s a link to U2’s song Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For, from their 1987 album The Joshua Tree.)

I haven’t heard from either after that, and it’s got a bit lonely with just me and those Carbon atoms, so I thought of sharing this here. Hope you enjoyed it, afterall, I’ve got to start catering to real people again!

Also, someday when I’m famous and you read my biography, you’d have heard it first: I just saved the planet from nuclear apocalypse.

Over and out.


Also, come morning and guess who’s back? Latin America’s buzzing me.

Kristi Acevedo: F*ckin’ amazing things here. I am very happy to look your article. Thank you a lot and i’m having a look ahead to touch you. Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?

I don’t know what to say anymore. I oughta file for sexual harassment.

So I reply:


Dearest Kristi,
How did you know I’m so clumsy? I drop emails, and tons of chemistry textbooks and press irons when they’re hot too! If you’re clumsy too, it’s about time you emailed zeklutzunion@klutzy.com

Unfortunately, I have a new follower in the most ancient sense: someone who won’t stop following up!

Lenora Novak (aka Alex):

You can certainly see your skills in the work you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers such as you who are not afraid to mention how they believe. Always go after your heart.

Me:

Awwww, you know, I’ve always wanted to be an open heart surgeon, I suck at it.
You’ve just made my day!
I shall always remember to believe in myself and go for it thanks to you, training be damned!!
Also, do you mind if I quote you to my detractors?

What’s more, Alex has been exploring my blog, and has found other posts too.

He chose a post titled Doom to post his next masterpiece:

Kim Miranda:

Thank you for another great post. The place else may anyone get that type of information in such an ideal approach of writing? I have a presentation subsequent week, and I am at the look for such information.

Me:

Man, Kim… If you’re looking for Doom, where on earth do you work??

And hopefully, that’s it for now. It must be pretty late at night in the Caribbean, so we may have more tomorrow.
But heck, chemistry’s call is stronger, so I’ll try to keep the suspense… for a little while at least.
That’s all from me!


Update!! This happened for real.  I have nothing left to prove.

Gotta give it to the guy though, he’s a real sport!