Survey #39


*stretches out of disuse*

A rare moment of freedom and inspiration has allowed me to put out this much-procrastinated survey… it may be from September, for all I know!


Q: What are your plans for surviving apocalypse?

Shania: Die? Or dress Zombae’s hair. I’ll be a Zombae hairdresser: Zombae Hair Salon. Please visit!

Pranav: Probably bingewatch my 50 anime gigs and Narcos before that happens. But if I get the chance to run away like in ‘2012’, then of course, why not?

Aayush: I’ll follow Nidhi ma’am.

Anand: I shall die with music in my ears, anime in my heart and a basketball in my hands. A glorious, beautiful death.

Siddharth: Assuming that the apocalypse is the shutting down of the Internet, I’d survivse on pre-downloaded TV-shows till I run out and then live life lkike people did in the 1800s and 1900s: bare essentials.

Aayush: Just chill.

Sakshi: Stay hiddden in one of the deserted cars, because nobody pays attention to them.

Neha: If it’s a zombie apocalypse, I will camp out in a huge grocery store and stay away from bikers or people trying to find their families because 99% of the time, they’re crazier than the zombies.
If it’s a robot apocalypse, then I’d be quite happy to let them inherit the earth. They’d probably do a brilliant job.

Vyshnavi: I’m useless, so I’d die!

Eesha: I 1. am very tiny
2. care for no one
So I can hide in the weirdest of places and also will slaughter a person if needed. And I will do anything for a burger.

Shubhankar: I don’t wanna survive.

Marc: I can’t share that, or you’ll survive.    [Yeah, thank you.]

Netra: Time travel again and again until I actually die.

Nishidh: Die!

Shrinjay: You don’t survive an apocalypse.

Eeshan: Take a neverending nap.

Yusuf: I will be under the protection of “Sunita Ramesh”.   [inside joke]

Ritankar: Let’s all die together!

Kaustubh:  Get high on all kinds of drugs nd play my Xbox till I die.

Anushka: Die happily because I’ll have no reason to live.

Daivya: Just die.

Maulishri: Die!

Richa: Die.

Eva: Go with the flow, and by that I mean, you guessed it, die.

Ashay: Go to pharen country.

Jai: Go to pharen country with Ashay.

Parthiv: Go to pharen country with Jai.

Harshit: Die with a glass of wine.

Archit: Go crazy all around.

Adhvait: Watch theb world tear apart

Ronan: Behave like a caveman 🙂

Aditya: Hide in a seed vault with a truck of soil.

Shamila ma’am: Go to pharen country with Ashay, Jai and Parthiv, if they don’t mind!

Manish sir: I’d die.

Satchit: I am Cactus-Man. Nothing can hinder my survival.

Saahil: My version of the apocalypse is the one from Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, so I’d survive it by eating all the food. I must save the world!
[Anushree: Yes, please. Especially for us vegetarians.]

Aakansha: Use my T.A.R.D.I.S. to go to another era.

Vedika: I don’t plan  to survive.

Kritika: I’d die.

Sanyukta: Just dieee!

Manasi: Apocalypse is: Sanyukta’s screching, Aditi being a rat, Aninthitha [… this response was interrupted by actual apocalypse: the reak probably ended.]

Manya: Volcanic apocalypse: novels, and enjoying it. Thank goodness it finally happened.

Manvika: Who said I wanted to survive?

Aaliya: I will cause the zombie apocalypse, run around and eat people’s brains!

Aninthitha: If there’s a robot/AI battle for domination, I’ll turn. I hate people.

Rishabh: I’d just like to chill.

Arjun: I’ll hide under a table with enough water and food.

Shivani: Don’t wanna survive!

Jahnavi: I’d travel to another universe.

Vidhi: Stock up on pizza and coke in a cool place below the surface of the earth.

Anisha: Take all my books and hide in a cave/island/bunker.

Arshya: Hide somewhere.

Anandita: Huh? Plan? Whaat?

Aelin (pseudonym): Apocalypse: there’s no music and books in the  world anymore.
How I’ll survive:  Learn how to sing and manufactjure instruments, especially guitars and pianos.

Pragya: Apocalypse: No colours, everything is plain, black and white.
How I’ll survive: I’ll learn to paint and manufacture brushes, paints, everything related to art.

Manasi (again):  lmao I’d die first (unfit af).

Aryaa: Survival of the fittest! I will fight to death.  [this response hs been awarded seven stars and an “A++++++” by a fellow  surveyee]

Anushree: I’ll accompany Akicchi because she’ll know how to operate T.A.R.D.I.S. (I’m not a Whovian).

Aditi: I am ready for apocalypse. I have a secret candy stash (not telling where it is), I can survive in a bunker without meeting humans for days, and I’m not a very virtuous person either.
What more do you need?

Gauri: Build a bunker, fill it with an assortment of food, but mostly chocolate and cheese, stay there and watch movies for the remainder of my life.

Tanishi: I don’t wnna live! I’d die– happily!

Yatin: Promise me a pizza nd a smoothie, and maybe I’ll change sides.

Raghav: All the meth!

Ayushi:  I wouldn’t want to survive it. I’d prefer to die.

Jatin: Food suply, ammo and a shotgun.

Radhika: Lay down on the road and act like I’m dead.

Mahwash:  I would hoard pizzas and hang out with Arnab Goswami (to break the ice).

Anshul: Die before it even hits. Simple.

Deepan: Already going through one. It’s called twelfth grade.

Satvik: Lock myself up and meditate, then probaby get the zombies to self-actualization  and become their spiritual leader (not to be confused with MSG).

Punyam: No die.


Know what, the final verdict is out. We’re not going to make it. But I hope I make it, to the next survey! I’ve still tons of that crazy stuff to put out. Hold on tight.

Survey #38

Hot and fresh, come and get it!
Unlike the other stale ageing, golden surveys I’m putting out from over two months ago (a mark of the procrastination league), this one’s from today. Probably the last one for this year, too. Happy holidays!

Q: Suppose you grow up to become famous and anonymously edit your Wikipedia page. What would you add?

Anisha: Please send me chocolate.

Shubhankar: Get me some too, please.

Arjun: I am a noob.

Satchit: can i haz lyf?

\\ Λ_Λ
\( ˇωˇ)
/ ⌒
/ へ\
/  / \\
レ ノ   ヽ_つ
/ /
( (ヽ
| |、 \
| 丿 \
| |  ) /
ノ )  Lノ

Aakansha: Is a jack of all master of none person but as they say it is better than master of one.

Khushi: balle balle

Rishbha: the amount of time I wasted doing nothing.

Saif: I’ll talk about wrestling.

Anandita: “Early life: Known for speaking harmless things to the face at the wrong times.”

Punyam: “My mom thought I was dyslexic.”

Aryaa: “Has the ability to talk to trees.”

Shreya: “She was never like this.”

Shivani: I’d add my death date.

Anushree: (redirect to Snarky Puppy and Jacob Collier)

Aayushi: *insert a picture of Arjun smiling*

Sakshi: (at the end of the article) “Whatever is said here is all wrong.”

Amrita: “There’s more to this person than what’s stated here.”

Manvika: I’d add some cool things about me. I’d proofread it: my article shouldn’t have a comma out of place!

Aaliya: I wouldn’t add anything. I’d be pretty entertained by what’s already

Harsh: “I’m more than what is written and you’d kill yourself if you knew.”

Manya: “Most amazing meow ever. Cats can’t match it!”

Eva: “Died: 21st December 2017.”

Manasi: I’d make a fake page.

Netra: I’d proudly declare I’m a food freak because people think I don’t eat.

Shania: I’d create a ‘Did You Know’ section and tell them about my awesome cooking skills.

Shreya : “This is all fake :)”

Karina: Delete all the fake stuff and add some amazing things about me.

Anushka: I’d leave it the way it is.

Nithya: I wouldn’t add anything

Daivya: “I’m a sceptic and an atheist.”

Marc: At the end, I’d add “PS, I like pizza.”

Aditi : “Stop thinking you’re unique.”

Satchit: Punctuation Matters ^

Arjun: I am lonely and need company, please contact me.

Anshul: “Is a secret friend of Kim Jong-Un and played shooting range with Osama bin Laden.”

Anisha: That I am actually the devil.

Vani: I’d add that I’m secretly a wizard, so don’t mess with me. I’d fuck you up.

Lamha: “She found unicorns at the chocolate town at the end of the rainbow (and it’s true).”

Anjali: I wouldn’t change anything,  except maybe my age when I grow old!

Aayush: A link to a page which suggests gown Wikipedia should improve their  choice to award pages.

Manasi: I’ll add pompous shit about myself, hype myself to no end. I’ll also make some memeworthy stuff about myself and write bad shit about my enemies and rival parties in such a way that I look like an angel and the good guy.

Diya: I would definitely put a better picture of mine.

Pranav: “Wants to kill every human ever.”

Vedika: Real bitch in real life.

Aditya: “It was rumoured that he once built a secret nuclear lab near his school entering through a trapdoor, taking inspiration from a friend’s adventure. It is said that the entrance was protected by a cacti collection. However, all known attempts to find it have ended in failure.”

[I claim full responsibility for this. And it’s true.]

Pallavi: “Had met many K-Pop idols.”

Hmm… all this self history editing has got me thinking… maybe I should check out what’s my WordPress bio says. I’m never more than half awake when I settle on it. I once mentioned something about psychosis… never mind, it’s in the past!

Happy holidays, folks!
(Yes, it’s back to them books for us.)

Survey #37

Early Christmas, folks! These surveys have been missing from my schedule for more than two months, but systems are up and running again.

This week (from two months ago) I bring to you the latest marks on the local map (marked for all the wrong reasons, nonetheless). Pit your palates against this!

Q: If you were to own a food joint, what would you call it? What would be your signature dish?

Anshul: I would open a food truck with mixed cultural food and my signature dish would be popcorn chicken and burgers/sliders cooked in Wyushi sauce.

Anandita: Joint name: Ratatouille
Dish name: Devil’s Creation (Sure you want to eat it??)

Vyshnavi: Joint: Comics Ahoy!
Serves: Szlaczek with Spradj

Eesha: Joint: Pasta
Serves: pasta (Maybe spaghetti)

Neha: Joint: Food?
Serves: Food

Aditya: Joint: Void
Serves: Non-food

Siddharth: Joint: Tagline: We fill your voids (stomachs). You Hungry?
Special Dish: Butter Chicken Pizza

Sakshi: Joint: Kadhi Patta
Serves: Shahi Tukda (AKA Jigar da Tukda)

Anand: Joint: Otaku Dojo
Dish: Natsu D. Uzumaki Platter

Ashay: Bro Ramen

Jai: Joint: The Joint
Serves: Weed burger

Parthiv: Joint: Food
Dish: Ashay served hot

Richa: Joint: OK
Dish: Mei Goreng

Archit: Joint:

Aakansha: Joint: Food Fighters
Dish: DOA- Danish (of) Apple

Pranav: Joint: Food Fantasy of ने Gi
Serves: Boiled tea leaves with lactose + Parle G [aka chai-biscuit]

Satchit: Joint: sosig ( gordon ransag photo)
Dish: Covfefe

Rhea: Joint: Baker at 16
Serves: Italian

Zeba: Joint: Plate-lets
Dish: The dish itself

Jahnavi: Joint: Honey Dukes
Dish: Dark Chocolate Cake

Manish sir: Joint: Cheesy Times
Dish: Cheese really

Shamila ma’am: Joint: Health is wealth
Serves: Subway-like Roti with veggies

Shivangee: Joint: Sugar coated
Dish: Pain@chocolat

Vishrutha: Joint: Nirvana
Serves: Coffee panna cotta with chocolate genache

Soham: Joint: Min Alimarat
Serves: Belek ekmer

Gauri: Joint: The Moo Point
Serves: Anything the person wants on a given day.

Aayush: Joint: ATTNMKH
Serves: Meh!

Deepan: Joint: * random Bengali stereotype *
Dish: * another Bengali stereotype *

Rashiv: Lé Kha Lé (French restaurant)
[surveyor’s Note: also Hindi for ‘Come eat it’]

Aayushi: Joint: Choti Roti
Serves: Bihari bhindi

Jatin: Joint: Baratie works (one piece)
Dish: Gomu Gomu no elephant gun (Chicken pieces shaped like an elephant)

Rajveer: Joint: Hoe House
Serves: A.Gole

Ohera: Joint: Olz da Dhaba
Serves: Tandoori

Mansi: Joint: Cream Pie
Serves: Cream Pie

Aaliya: Joint: Brownilicious
Serves: Brownies

Pratyasha: Joint: Fulilie
Serves: Nachos with chocolate syrup

Mahima: Joint: Mahimize
Serves: Lollipops

Mahwash: Joint: MW Pizzas
Serves: Pizzas

Anushree: Joint: Bon Appetite
Serves: Oats.

Arjun: It has to be an extension of my South Indian Traditional pizza joint…
[Those EXTREMELY bored may find it here.]

Satvik: Joint: Pavlov’s Hotdogs

Vignesh: Joint: Dick Palace
Serves: Grilled dick

Niket: Joint: Fantasizer
Serves: Tabouleh with hummus and falafel on the side.

Ritankar: “Have a sizzler burnt in fire before you expire!”

Anshul again: I would open another franchise called Bunty’s Fusion Kitchen and serve only Sosig and Covfefe everyday.
[ senses plagiarism]

Lamha: Joint: Rainbows and Unicorns
Signature dish: Unicorn-shaped pizzas and unicorn-shaped rainbow cake

Nirmiti: Joint: Hola! It’s Brittney Bitches!
Serves: Cottage cheese steak ratatouille

Radhika: Joint: Butter Chicken’s Always the Better Chicken
Serves: Peppermint hot chocolate Butter chicken lasagna

Priyansh: Joint: Cheezy Weezy

Pranav: Joint: “Anywhere”
Serves: “Anything”

Nandinee: Name: Sucks
Serves: Boba Tea

Devyani: Joint: Eclair fantasy
Serves: Blue hamburgers

Anika: Joint: Anikaaaaaaa
Serves: Food

Aninthitha: Joint: Fin Fang Food

Manya: Joint: Momos (with a Pepsi ad)
Serves: Momos


Well, congratulations on making it this far without a snack break.
The surveyor takes no responsibility or credit for the quality of food served at these little haunts, and recommends you grab that box of fries instead!

Also, after a month, maybe a two month (… maybe longer) break, my hunger for doing this is back! Expect more surveys soon, I’ve got a notebook full!

Survey #36

Temporarily on a hiatus from being lazy, hence a survey.


Q: What do you think would make a good wifi password?

[Disclaimer: This survey’s answers do not indicate that they may be the concerned person’s actual password. The surveyor absolves of all responsibility in this regard. However, if you try any, and you’re in, remember who to come to if you’re interested in having the next survey out anytime soon, considering your super-lazy and slow survey publisher.
Also, I’ll report you after that.
Now that that’s been said, survey results!]

Saarthak: BaapKoBolWifiDalwaye

Marc: Gofryyourbrainandeatit

Sakshi: #…$#…A…B…C…#.
[C#, eh… I should stop conducting these during computer class.]

Rashiv: Speedbreaker

Harshit: cout
[again, reconsidering mixing computers and surveys.]

Adhvait: Getyourownwifi

Shubhankar: eitnekhesjvtj2804
(Anything will do if you know how to use it: birthdate)

Akshay: cout<<“Appadi podu”;

[cout<<“that’s it, I give up”;]

Anushka: tiptip barsa pani, pani mein aaglagaya.

Netra: RowRowRowYourBoatGentlyDownTheStream

[I don’t think passwords can be as long as theirs, actually.]

Saahil: No wifi for you.

Yusuf: Tumsenahopayega.

Anandita: Meralelebhikhari

Anandita #2: WrongPasswordTryAgain

Anandita #3: TellYouWhenIHaveJio

Maulishri: Incorrect/Crackthisnigga

Neha: [the process]
Run the date of the day through at least five different number systems. Then Unicode. Then get a six year old to make it longer by artistic keyboard smashing. Write it on a piece of paper. Put it in a bottle and throw it into the ocean. It’ll come back to you when the time is right. It will.

Mohak: !@mzj#u#s#t@t#r#o#l#l

Shania: NOOOOOO!!!
Shania #2: 123456sorry12345
Shania #3: Whywouldihavewifi??

Richa: YOLO#2020

Jai: Radhema123

Ashay: blowmefirst

Eesha: Sorry?
[I fell for this one five times.]

Manish sir: wifepassword

Unnati: 2444666668888888
(When someone asks you for your password, you say ‘123456’)

Zeba: Thiruvananthapuram

Satchit: password
[yas, I assure you you shall never be hacked.]

Shamila ma’am: <explains me a system of password setting where the particular letter’s number on a phone keyboard is used>

Shalini: wifipassword!

Rishbha: 123451234

Aaliya: 2444666668888888. Then you can say that the password is 12345678.

Anushree: Stude@10. You’re welcome.
[<insert sinister laugh>]

Mahima: DearBeautifulLookings

Lamha: Nowififoryou

Arjun: Aayushiisthebest

Arjun #2: thewifiisslow

Khushi: “The Chemical name of titin. Look it up.”

Anshul: L I L G R T G Q
(That’s “password” in enigma language settings W T F
99% of the people would need an enigma machine (M3-1939) to understand this.)

Aayushi: password
[<bells toll>]

(Nirmiti) Hangry: iknowyouknowit

Nirmiti: MTNLkewifipepornunavailablehaibro.

Vedika: pi3g0n2suck!

Ani: My LIFE, because it’s difficult.

Manasi: “Lebhikarile” is an open wifi in my area. Another one is “CUNTRACTOR”.
-I’ll be right back with 17 more…

Aayush: “Enter button”
[comp kids, why does this sound familiar…?]

Vani: pig30nsuck_

Kritika: pig30nsuck123

[I see a new fan club coming up.]

Shivani: Dobaramatpuchna.

Shrinjay: Nops4u@$$hoLE

Deepan: JohnCena.

Pranav: <Differential Equation>

Lamha: NoNoNoNo / IDontKnow

Manvika: Gottabecliche

Radhika: Sikandar.

Aakansha: いいえあい

Kruthika: getthefuckoffmywifi

They say a goodbye wifi password (a day) keeps the hackers away.

We believe in putting forth a new philosophy: set a wifi password so bad, you absolutely turn off the hacker. For good.

Survey #35

Mini-survey time!
It’s been more than a month since I published my last survey, and there’s more coming, I promise.
So I’ll keep the description short:
Senior year, the most important day of your life (?).

Q: What would you wear for your prom?

Saif: The best three piece suit I have.

Rishbha: A dress.

Anushree: A Tuxedo. Or a Teletubby suit.

Anshul: A nice Blackberry/Prada tux with SpongeBob SquarePants pyjamas below, and a neon tie.
(Cringe level one billion billion.)

Pranav: Whatever my prom partner says.

Arjun: T-shirts, flip-flops and boxers; Yukata.

Radhika: Dior.

Omkar: Night suit.

Oleina: Tuxedo.

Riya: A gown.

Vyshnavi: A unicorn onesie.

Richa: Black gown with crossed straps.

Jahnavi: A gown.

Sanyukta: Whatever my friends suggest.

Lamha: The prom’s zombie themed, so a gown that looks like something that a person who died ten years ago wore would work.

Siddharth: I would wear a suit. Well tailored, obviously.

Charul: Bikini 😂

Satchit: Same as Arjun.

Satchit #2: A well tailored suit; Oxfords, not Brogues.

Ani: Coat (with inside pockets) and a tie. (Eldridge knot)

Aditya: Invisibility cloak.

Aakansha: A tuxedo or a Teleubby suit. (With Anushree.)

Vedika: Penguin suit. [Surveyor approved. A+.]

Pranav: Head to toe pink bodysuit.
[Multiple surveyees approve.]

Yatin: A French three-piece, with shiny black shoes, front-wavy hair, a fossil (watch) classic, and greenish blue contact lenses.

Krishnan: Three piece, with black shoes and a tie.

Jatin: Tarzan shit.

Rashiv: Kapde hi pehnunga yaar!
[clothes. Most practical. A+.]

Aayushi: I’m with Vedika.

Daivya: Tuxedo.

Sakshi: Shirt and a T-shirt.

Shivani: Jumpsuit with socks attached.

Tanishi: A gown.

Aninthitha #2: LOKI (CAPE).

Saahil: A blazer, tie, shirt and a skirt, because screw gender roles.

[Anecdote: the week ended with Aayushi having designed a super-tight, off-shoulder, voluminous gown for this chap. Screw technical problems!]

Mahima: A farm.
[Wait a minute…]

Yusuf: Classic banyan dhoti.

Priyansh: Clothes.

Ajinkya: Suit.

Manvika: I’d rather sit at home and watch TV…


Gosh, I feel unprepared now! Know what? Maybe I should go with the penguin suit.
And rig the music system for our anthem:


Survey #34

We’ve often looked at medieval paintings, been in Scottish castles (that may be rubble by now) in gaping wonder, not only awed by how majestic they are, how weird their sense of dressing is, (“Is that a skirt?” “Shaddup, you, it’s a kilt!!”) and wondering what it’s like to have people in chainmail and weird hats around you twenty four-seven, but also with genuine respect for how this guys managed to live their WHOLE lives in darkness. Perhaps not literally.
But no electricity, meaning no TV, no wifi, no Fangirling over your favourite stars, watching reruns all day, firing your employees with a tweet… I’m digressing.
(Yeah, anyway, NO PHONE.)
But this week, we’ve tried sending our own brave adventurers out in the wilderness (or maybe not), with no shields, no phones, left to fend for themselves for the day… With little success.
Well, here’s documenting nothing!


Q: How’d you spend a day without electricity?

Siddharth: I would spend the entire day outside the house, going on a road trip or camping.

Saahil: Die in the heat. I live in Mumbai.

Eva: Sit at my doorstep and study, go to a poolside and study, and find any excuse to avoid communication with any human being because these are moments when I’m extremely pissed off.

[Doubt: I figured the words ‘poolside’ and ‘study’ were antonyms.
Even for a twelfth grader!]

Lamha: Running around, meeting friends, screaming unicorns & balloons & blow bubbles!

Aryaa: Jam to my unchanged phone.

Satchit: Framing my rescue for not finishing my homework because of this.

Pranav: Spend it with my loved ones, lots and lots of pizzas and ice-cream.

Saarthak: Buy power banks & then play games.

Khushi: Go play basketball.

Ritankar: Have lots of food and play cricket and football.

Anushka: Sleep.

Sakshi: Go out for a trek, or a long drive or find a place with electrical supply and live a regular day.

Joshika: Play dark room.

Arshya: Probably go on a road trip or a friend’s house.

Netra: Convert chemical energy into electrical energy through Electrolysis. (PACE STUDENT ALERT)

Marc: Use all the batteries available in a 10 km radius.

Aayush: Pool party yay!

Shania: My phone needs to be charged. If I don’t have electricity, how will I build Frankenstein? I need him to charge my phone, along with other things.

[Anecdote: Between the surveyor and this surveyee, a discovery was made.
We finally know why electricity was introduced into our lives.
We need a distraction from building Frankensteins.]

Yusuf: I’d go to Antarctica!

Aditya: Play outdoors all day along. Or spend the day with a fine novel.

Daivya: Go to the terrace and stare.

Parthiv: Can’t stay without electricity would rather spend my day in my car.

Maulishri: On the beach.

Neha: Complain all day with a friend who would put up with my whinging.

Eesha: Read books. ebooks if the power goes out at night (last power cut, I read Archie comics on my old phone.)

Vyshavi: Go to Imagica.

Richa: Use up all the matchsticks in the house, go out and play basketball and then come home to complain about the water not being cold!

Aayush: Spend all day trying to bring electricity back.

Ashay: You don’t.

Jai: Just keep flicking the PCB main switch all day.

Shamila ma’am: I would spend time with my cats.

Manish sir: Travel, walk, explore.

Akshat: Convert a dynamo to my cycle, go cycling, generate and sell electricity at high prices.

Anushree: I would go walking and probably get lost. It I’d watch Kimi No Nawa and Star Wars and analyse them with Satchit. Yope.

Manya: Dreaming.

Anshul: Study, read a lot of novels, EAT. Use fuel as an alternative to generate electricity and then live a normal life.

Rishabh: Go out on a long drive.

Diya: Stay and build a campfire.

Mahwash: I’ll go out with my friends to the beach.

Kritika: Sleep.

Arjun: Go for a walk.

Vani: Sleeping.

Vedika: Hunting in the forest. [Vani: Because she’s weird.]

Shivani: Run away.

Tanishi: I’d play Dark Room!

Rashiv: I’d go to FIITJEE.

Akanksha: I would lay on the bed hovering between life and death.

[Faker on request] “Dipankar”: I would listen to Pink Floyd and also society is terrible.
I would listen to Lipstick and also society is amazing.

“Dips”: Arjun has dibs on me. 😉

Mahima: I’d go to a farm.

Aayushi: I’d go to Bihar with a lota.

Nirmiti: Complete my novel reading backlog session and many other backlogs. #NotSoPerksOfProcrastination.

Riya: Sleeping and sleeping.

Ani: Go down, go insane, see dogs, read books.
[Ani: hmm.. Day with no fans…
Both of us: Band: No FANS!?]

Sanyukta: Paint, practice violin, pending work.


Well, to all you folks returned reading this on your phone, all I’d like to do is welcome you back to civilisation!

Survey #33

Bonanza weekend, the big one’s here!

This week, like every week, surveyee-brains got busy.


Q: What would you want to invent/discover?

Saahil: Discover/invent a personality for Siddharth.

Siddharth: Discover the ability to stop time, at certain times.

Marc: Make surrogate robots.

Akshay: Discover other ways to get into IIT.

Shubhankar: Invent something to become invisible.

Netra: Teleportation.

Shania: Temporary networks to places that disappear when you don’t need them. You can either sit on moving chairs (need a better term for that) or stand. Your travel speed will be determined on the basis of the distance to your destination and the amount of time on hand.

Aakansha: T.A.R.D.I.S.

Vyshnavi: A mind-reading, food-preparing thing.

Aayush: My own language.

Anand: Discover how to manipulate Chakra. (Naruto fans?!)

Eesha: My own version of the T.A.R.D.I.S. (Really mostly for the pool library, but for travelling the cosmos as well.)

Maulishri: Something to get me to remember stuff in time.

Neha: Something that helps cats and dogs get along.

Aditya: Thermonuclear fusion on Earth in a viable manner.

Aditya #2: Myself.

Aditya #3: Mental sanity.

Daivya: ATRHIT is true.

[and to find out what that was, was our discovery of the day.
Curious? Good luck to you.]

Daivya 2: P vs NP problem.

Satchit: Shit.

Yusuf: I would like to discover the most precious stuff on the planet and become a billionaire and then use already invented resources.

Rishbha: Overnight pickler. [source: Doraemon]

Sapna: My inner identity.

Manish sir: I’d like to be GOD.

Shamila ma’am: Some gadget which can solve all problems.

Unnati: Myself.

Shalini: A machine that can stop/travel time.

Diya: Doraemon.

Pranav: A new brain.

Lamha: A unicorn!! One that gives chocolates and candy and rainbows and bubbles!

Jahnavi: Time Machine.

Anshul: Black hole information paradox. Or maybe a new aircraft for Boeing, or another holiday.

[Let me know when the third one happens.]

Arjun: A cure for HIV/AIDS.
And my intelligence.

Deepan: I’d sure like to disprove god’s apparent existence.

Jatin: Time machine.

Ajinkya: An Iron Man suit.

Get busy, bud.

Krishnan: Teleportation.

Sudhanshu: Tension free, peaceful life, how to manipulate Chakra, discover Pokémon.

Pranav: Levitating tables/beds to save my toes.

Raghav: Perfection.

Yatin: I’d want to discover the path to becoming a man worth $81.8 billion. (PS: just $1bn more than Bill Gates.)

Ashay: Humour.

Sakshi: 3D glasses with variable lens power for people with glasses, so that they don’t have to wear 3D glasses over their glasses.

[word count for the word ‘glasses’: 4 in four lines.]

Aditi: A machine to make all fictional universes come alive.

Vidhi: Instant pizza making machine.

Anandita: Sanity, and a solution to torture by kids.

Pranav: Time stopwatch- a pocket time machine.

[Pranav-count on this survey: 4?]

Hangry di Cappucino (Nirmiti): Hangry di Cappuccino from South Africa.

Manasi: My brain. Someday. #WillThatDayEverCome?

Eva: Making out the exact physical features of the first human beings.

[I can help: they were better than my attempts at drawing people.]

Khushi: All I know is I was post-life Luke Howard.

Punyam: The theory of everything.

Anisha: The Munch godown.

Rashiv: I would like to invent the Spear of Destiny. (Legends of Tomorrow reference.)

[does anybody else have this constant nagging habit of writing density for destiny, or is science just getting to me?]

Anushka: Anything that will make life better for students.

Charul: Tanishi’s brain.

Tanishi: Charul’s brain.

[that’s where I take the notebook and exit.]

Kritika: A single fuck to give.

Vedika: Aliens.

Riya: A machine to make momos.

Amrita: A different planet.

Lamha #2: A life.

Rishabh: Hidden talent.

Mahima: A boyfriend, maybe.

Dhruv: Something that could create water out of thin air.


Kruthika: A will to live.


Perhaps, one day, much later, we will dig out these little “archives” from the Internet-trash.  Maybe someone up here is gonna scroll up, hold a phone in your face, and say, “hah! Told you so.”

Or maybe a buddy will do the same for them and say, “hah- told you so! You always were nuts.”

Who’s to say?!

Either way, folks, keep inventing answers, and keep reading.

Till next time!

Survey #32

Here’s a little mini-survey to keep you folks satiated while the bigger one comes along.

(What am I saying, I’m a science student!!)

(Mini = 1 day long survey)


Q: What do you think of yourself parenting?

Saahil: When you want to enjoy without protection and end up paying the price for eighteen years.
Tough job, though.

Anandita: Don’t be a parent. It’s a torture to kids.
And the biggest torture to yourself!

Pranav: Something which is fun.

Aayushi: It’s a trap.
[comment from a fellow surveyee: “Best momma ever.”]

Akanksha: I want a small army of children.

Mahima: Can’t wait to roast them on our family chats.

Deepan: Introducing thy kids to the Beatles.

Aditya: I think it’s a beautiful thing. It can also be described as a long term investment in life with huge midterm losses.

Aditi: It’s the biggest excuse to enjoy torturing kids and contradict everything.

Arjun: Sounds like a fun thing which I’ll happily do, as long as someone else is paying the bill.

Lamha: Never wanna be one. I’d punch the shit outta them.

Manasi: I’m gonna be a miserable failure at it. The only thing I’m responsible enough to parent is a plant.

[Dear alarmed readers, you must bear in mind that most of my surveyed demographic was, what, 17 years old. The future of the human race is in… hands that are safe enough to drop a nuclear bomb in after the Earth’s been wiped clean.]

Aaliya: I’ll just adopt 23 dogs. No kids. Nuisances.

[Your surveyor’s a kid, by the way.]

Manvika: It’s one of the toughest jobs and there is no correct way to do it.

Khushi: So much love.

Satvik: Sherlock, Moriarty and Eurus.

Punyam: Parenting is fun.

Mahwash: I’d be a sassy and funny mom (self proclaimed). Either way, Charul will be their godmother.
Also, unlimited pizza.

Anshul: I’d be a strict but chill parent. Like I would whoop my son/daughter’s ass if s/he doesn’t propose to his/her girl/guy with a great proposal written by me.
Or I’d whoop his/her ass if they don’t go on a great fancy date.

Anushree: I’d be a pretty cool parent, especially a pet parent.

Shivani: I’d be a pretty badass parent. And embarrass my kids.

Siddharth: Utter disaster. But overall, I’d be a pretty damn cool parent.

Shania: Out of this fucking world. Best parent ever.

Rishabh: Don’t wish to be a parent.

Abirami: Probably better than mine.

Vyshnavi: Never gonna be one.



Survey #31

To infinity and beyond!!

Q: If you were to spend a day on Mars, what would you do?

Aakansha: Explore! See if there are any aliens I can befriend, and also search for water.

Joshika: I’ll eat it!

Maulishri: I would watch the movie ‘The Martian’.

Vyshnavi: I would read Tintin and the Explorers on Mars!

Neha: A) Walk around screaming “Doctor!”, I dunno, I don’t have his number.
B) Look for Martians, ask them what kind of math they’ve developed.

Shania: Dig holes and explore the interiors of the planet. If it blows up… meh, it’s only me and the Martians! ( 😥 )

Richa: Marry a Martian.

[always be one step ahead.]

Khushi: First listen to Moving to Mars, and then Life on Mars.

[love the orderliness.]

Saarthak: I would eat Mars (chocolate) on Mars.

Saahil: Gave a baby with Selena Gomez so that our child could be the first Martian.

Siddharth: I would explore as much as possible to gather Intel so that people can know more about Mars when I come back.

Harshit: Do mechanics on Mars.

Yusuf: Think about my next trip to the moon.

[space tourism A++]

Jai: Do my Pace homework in peace.

Ashay: Grow potatoes and hope to star in a movie.

Aayush: Do MGM homework due every alternate day. 🙂

[Get me some Lithium salt already.]

Parthiv: See the earth? And wish to go back?

Shubhankar: Will miss your surveys.
[Nope, ya won’t, they’re weekly. I’m sending you for a day.
Aw, you’ll miss it, will you?!]

Marc: Be happy that I am finally alone and have the time to sleep.

Anushka: Jump around, eat and sleep!

Manya: Irritate Anushree and/or watch a Ranbir Kapoor movie.

Anushree: Play my ukulele.

Aayush: Ensure that I stay there forever.

[Hey, that’s other people’s job!]

Daivya: Visit the polar ice caps.

Satchit: Die. Because I’m a realist.

Anand: Make Reardonium.

Archit: Look for water.

Pranav: Alone > no internet > bored AF.


I would go to the Opportunities half of the planet.

Netra: I’d set up a perfect place for having the best most varied kinds of food and look for a Martian who’s going to watch romcoms with me.

Sakshi: Make a red Martian and give false hope for the existence of life.


Shamila ma’am: I would spend that day with my loved one! (Special someone) ❤

Eva: I would check my height. And build red sandcastles with Aaliya.

Pranav: Well, it would be like a normal day, really.

Manish sir: Walk and explore.

Saif: Colonise it, if you know what I mean.

Rishbha: Just sleep.

Sapna: I’ll write and socialise and maybe find water.

Vrinda: Just explore.

Zeba: Befriend ‘people’.

Jahnavi: Explore as much as possible.

[Damn, does Dora have competition.]

Shailee: Play garba.

Dhruv: I want to climb the tallest volcano in this Solar System, Olympus.

Rishabh: I would love to die simply because I am a human!

Soham: I’ll build a dollhouse with my face on it.

Afifa: Think about Earth.

Shlok: I’d play football all day, ‘flying’.


Manasi: I’d remove my suit and breathe. Yes, I know it’s not a breathable atmosphere. Yes, I’d die.
Yes, I want that.

Vani: Sleep.

Deepan: Try to see the Dark Side of the Moon, whilst listening to the Dark Side of the Moon.

Nirmitii: Drink Mars chocolate milkshake. #1GallonDownForeverToGo.

Nirmitii again: Effect of electron donating groups: you lose blood.

[Yes, we’re science students, yes, Mars is red-
But what?]

Vedika: Hit their theme parks.

Sakshi: Hop around.

Aaliya: Make red sandcastles with Eva.

Mahwash: Eat pizza.

Jatin: Keep jumping.

Arjun: Return to Earth. Earth is bae.

Aditi: I’d look at Earth through a telescope and a four-minute time delay.

Charul: Live.

Lamha: Take my friends there and leave them there, because meh.

Satvik: I’ll take some potato seeds.
And goo! Lots of goo.



Nethra: Wish I was on Bounty instead.

Anisha: Just hug the planet. It’s my favourite planet. Who knew you could have favourite planets?

Manvika: Which one- the planet, or the chocolate.

Yatin: Duh! Condoms are cheap, and wait, pull out method is surely effective.


Oh! Well.

Come ride with me through the veins of history…

Surveyees have left Cyadonia untouched… Nevermind, I’m still there!

Anyway, take your protein pills and put your helmets on! Check ignition and may god’s love be with you… (Blast off!)

Until next time!

Survey #30

Taking a jog down personal archives.

30!? I can’t believe it, does this mean you guys have been putting up with me for 30 weeks already!? Wow!

This is yearbook stuff.

Q: What’s the weirdest/funniest/most embarrassing misconception you had as a kid?

Aakansha: As a child, I thought that anything that passed through a rainbow would become rainbow-coloured permanently. I also thought there was a pot of gold with leprechauns protecting it at the end if the rainbow.

Khushi: That math is unreal.

Eva: That the word “harami” is something we say out of love.

Siddharth: As a child, for a long time I thought that my parents were actually millionaires and will reveal that to me once I turn 18. Turns out it was a huge misconception :(.

Saahil: I thought I would never be like my seniors, who kept using cuss words. That didn’t turn out so well.

Ritankar: That Santa Claus is real.

Harshit: That jokes are good.

Sakshi: 1. Kissing on the lips got a woman pregnant as a punishment.
2. Playing with the belly button would make the intestines come out.

Akshay: That life would be fun.

Saarthak: That we die on our birthdays.

Rashiv: I had this galat fehmi, that galat fehmi ko galat family kehte hain.

Netra: That people never betray.

Aayush: Life will be good after tenth grade.

Yusuf: I couldn’t sleep at night thinking that there was a ghost beside me.

Anandita: The first time I got on a flight, I thought that above the clouds, there is a map. Our plane would pierce the map as we went up, so we’d see a map from the top. I kept asking, “When did we pierce the map? I didn’t feel it.”
Four years old.

Ashay: I thought a grasshopper’s bite was fatal.

Kritika: That I wouldn’t end up taking the “well-worn path” when I grew older.

Shreya: I never understood the concept of change as a kid. I wondered why mum was paying extra.

Zahida: I thought that the birth of a child was a coincidence after marriage, I didn’t know it was by copulation (nor did I know what that was!)

Shamila ma’am: I thought that 25 is too old.

Satchit: I thought that everyone was my friend.

Manish sir: I have superpowers. [present tense]

Rishbha: Maths is only about addition and subtraction.

[enter integration.]

Ovee: There are only two professions: Engineering and Doctoring.

Girisha: I was always scared to sleep on the bed with any guy, no matter how many pillows there were between us- I thought I would get pregnant.

Shalini: Swallowing a seed would result in a tree growing in my stomach.

Jahnavi: Swallowing a chewing gum would get it stuck in my throat.

Abirami: I didn’t know how babies were born. I thought all girls just had babies at a particular age, and they had to be married before they became pregnant.

Arjun: Me.
Arjun: That I’d find love.

Vedika: I thought Khar and Kharghar are the same.

Nihar: ‘FILM’ = ‘FLIM’.

Pranav: When I got to know that my mother’s name isn’t ‘Mom’…

“H.D.C.”: You had to start paying taxes as soon as you turned 18. Say whaat?

Riya: I was 3 or 4; I thought males give birth to males and feels give birth to females.

Ani: I, at one point in my life, thought that you had to wear condoms while kissing.

Anshul: That true love exists. Lol x25.
[Nope, I am NOT writing it 25 times, mister.]

Jatin: Jab mein chhota baccha tha, mai Bhai shararat karta tha. Ab main bada ho gaya, ab aur shararat karta hu.
I thought Spider-Man was real.

[woo, woo, Tom Holland.
Anecdote: my sister is going for Homecoming this week.
Guess which 12th grader will be left at home.]

Deepan: That the world’s a utopian one. That anarchy is a myth.
That we’ll last as memories, but nothing lasts forever.
Even cold November Rain.

[you, man, should listen to Butterflies and Hurricanes.]

“Annabeth”: I used to make holes in my quilt to keep an eye out for any thief that may enter my house at night so I could bust him.
(Except societies have watchguards)

Anushree: For the longest time, I didn’t know what my dad’s name was.

Shania: 1. I understood the song “Chane ke khet mein” as “Jaley re mere fefde”, which translates to ‘My lungs are on fire’.
2. Babies were bought from this huge store owned and managed by God. Never understood why my parents picked me!

Aaryaa: You get babies when you kiss.

Manasi: I have done a lot of BS, but I don’t remember it.

Anisha: I thought once you get your periods, you “grow up”, heh.

Eesha: I had a stupid misconception that a couple had babies right after marriage and that was the only way to conceive.

Raghav: I thought if you ate a seed, trees will grow in your stomach.

Pranav: I thought hot dogs used real dogs.

Rajveer: Eating someone’s jhoota will change your blood group.
If you don’t take a bath within 30 minutes of getting a haircut, you will be a barber in your next life.

Aditi: I thought that my birthday would come every month. Life’s not that nice.

[Hmm, however there’s another something that comes every month. Nevermind that.]


Aayushi: At night, when I would sleep with the windows open, the ceiling fan would shake and I thought it’d fall down on me, making a hole through the floor.

Kritika: Galat faimi -> galat family.

Satvik: Science is the real thing.

Rishabh: Everyone is a friend.

Shlok: That a stork left me with my parents.

Sanyukta: I thought that when people died, they actually became stars.
I also thought my parents picked me up from the railway station.

Aditya: To let = toilet.
I always wondered why people would stick posters saying Toilet.

Akshat: That if I swallow orange seeds, I’ll have a tree growing inside me.

Kruthika: That life was worth something.
That after 10th we’d be set. That people are happy.