Random Free Verse Rant

Assignments can be a little woozy sometimes
Especially at 4 in the morning
I get that
I also get sleepy
And I care, you know?
I’ll see us through
For sure,
I need to see me through too
And I have a strong back
And a stronger stomach
I’ll carry you
Sure I will
But not if you press down on me
And pretend you’re a hundred and four fucking kilos
And if you’ve a lot on your mind
Mine has blanked from exhaustion
And if I say, sure, I’ll take the heavier load
It means you take a load too, good sir
We learned in class
Of divide and conquer
That doesn’t work if the only dividing is between us
It’s slower if I need to look behind us
And go back to pick up the pieces of a mess
And when I say you get shit done
You get shit done, okay?
Because it might be my assignment too
And incomplete outputs might fail a test case or two
But I wonder what it’s gonna be like
When assertEqual returns an error:
“Expected return: True
Got “This method ain’t implemented cuz my partner didn’t do shit”.

This isn’t me, and I’m super thankful, but one of my friends is seeing a slightly less specific variant of this. It amazes me, and while I’m no one to judge how you’ve planned out your semester, why on earth would someone do that? It’s horrible. It’s disgusting. I try to imagine how many hours of my life I could’ve saved had I not spent all my weekend in a study space working on a problem set. How many more nights I am just not going to be able to sleep because we have an assignment due next week, and it’s big. It just irks me. It irks me a bit that I’m working. There’s no getting around it for me, sure thing. I’m not planning to. I’d feel awful if I did, and if I’m being honest, as hard as they might be, there isn’t too much to resent them for but time and the stress. I learn a lot from them. But someone absolutely shirking off their share of the work and still getting a grade, then flying high and coming down crashing after the final and then bitterly shitting on our school, that just disgusts the fuck out of me, it’s horrible.

And rant almost over.

As for my own case, I sometimes feel like my own assignment partners are more moral support than actual working partners. Some days, it just feels like I’m doing a proof or writing an algorithm or something, and they’re nodding along going, “yes, that makes total sense!” Sure it does, buddy, but can you also write the next proof so we’re done quicker? I really, really, want nothing more than an unbroken, undisturbed 11 hours of sleep. Just one night that I can sleep without planning for and booking off the first thirteen hours of the next day. Once.

Okay.

Rant over.

Now for the better stuff! I’m going to see Muse this Thursday! I’ve been waiting for this day since November, and after five years of absolutely adoring the band, I’m finally going to be able to go see them live, and I almost can’t believe it!

No assignment, not even the finals could have kept me away, and nothing will!

I am so pumped!

Mud and Ashes

Splish, splash,
Slush, and slashes;
Mud, and ashes
Spiralling crashes

Look down
Stop, turn around
Moment to see
Do you look for me

Am I really
In such a hurry
Minute or three
Just a minute or three

How many
Pair of boots
Are stomping in the snow
I, and me, I alone

Splish, splash
Slush and slash;
Mud and ashes
Is that where the catch is

Carry on
Go on alone
Steal the show
And then take a bow

Just a minute I say,
Can’t you stay
Just a minute or three
Just a minute

How many
Pairs of boots
Splashing in the rain
I alone sustain, do I

Splish, splash
Slush and slashes
Mud, honey and ashes
Now I’m stuck to where the catch is

Stole the show
And went it alone
And you’ll never know
Minutes that I owe. 

To the kid at Bahen Centre who decided they couldn’t do this anymore, I’m sorry we didn’t reach out to you. I’m sorry we thought it would be awkward to ask you quickly if you’re doing alright, if you need help, someone to talk to, someone to rant with, whatever. We’re a part of the problem. 

I don’t know who you are, or if I may ever have seen you around or talked to you, but even if we never shared classes, I’m still sorry. This could have ended differently, and we were part of the problem. 

I’m sorry for thinking it was a battle won when I knew what was going on in class, when there may have been people around me struggling without my ever noticing. 

I’m sorry if there were three minutes I could have given you that I didn’t. 

Fahrenheit

Cigarette smoke billowed from her hair
The brightest shadow in the glare
Of sparks of light momentarily flickered
Every now she danced and wavered
Fahrenheit and tempered steel
Worn, gritty arcane appeal
Distant flame that fire dame
A picture speaks a thousand words;
Not much this one reveals.
Her outward calm and fluid walk
A different scene in her mind locked
Enter slashing fire flash;
Any moment system crash,
Running, shrieking, fire’s cooled
Drown in her wide black pools,
Of others now reflected her candlelight
Persevered and won half a fight
She’s the calm after the storm
And she is the brewing maelstrom
The brewing storm in her own private teacup.